Le Coup – Quatrième Colonne

The social cut is so long-standing as to have gathered a set of rules governing its use. They are as useful today as they were in the 18th and 19th century – people may have cars, computers, and cash these days but they are basically the same inside as they always were. If you doubt this get an old copy of Gray’s Anatomy and a scalpel, but don’t blame me if the police intervene.

a. Le coup absolu is a direct confrontation between two people where one does not acknowledge the other in any way. It can be devastatingly insulting and if seen by others, socially demeaning.

b. This form of cut must be deliberate and obvious to the victim.

c. Gentlemen must never cut a lady.

d. Unmarried ladies are not to cut married ladies.

e. The social cut cannot be employed within military or naval circles. While this is not a rule adhered to entirely, the good of the service requires that all instances of it are either suppressed or addressed.

f. Hosts cannot cut their guests.

g. Cuts cannot be done indiscriminately or for light purpose. They could have serious consequences for both parties – if between equals the cut may provoke a challenge and if between disparate classes it might redound badly. Some social cuts destroy careers and marriages.

There is little enough general society these days – the class system having realigned itself around money rather than birth – and the population having grown so much as to diffuse contact and/or interest. People can get fame or notoriety, but it is rare that enough people focus upon them long enough to grant them real respectability. To get this, one must go into the smaller divisions of organisation – the social club, the hobby group, the sporting association. You might even need to go down as close as the family before you find respect or notice.

Thus the loss of social status that someone who was snubbed might have felt in 1850 does not generally exist now. It might still be operating for someone who has been suspected of a major crime but has escaped conviction – they may find themselves refused entry to the social scene they once frequented. People might avoid them in public. They might find that their careers are blighted. The curse of widespread modern communication and the free interchange of information might also mean that they cannot find rest or respect elsewhere. Mind you, Cain had his problems too…

But snubbing, cutting, and general exercise of hubris may backfire. The story of Beau Brummel’s snubbing by the Prince Regent is well documented in Wikipedia. It notes the reasons why it was done and his rather foolish reaction – judge for yourself when you read it. The Prince Regent was seen as abusing his power and Brummel had enough social steam to ride it out. Of course Brummel’s own lifestyle could never be sustained and he was lost to France and debt…but take it as a lesson to be careful who you cut and why. If you do it unnecessarily you do it wrong.





” Fix Not That Which Doth Not Need It “

” For verily, I say unto thee, that thou wilt be sorry. That which hath not been put asunder up until now need not be fiddled with.  For lo – things will shoot out of the inside of the mechanism and roll under the fridge and thou shalt curse the heavens.”

Oh if only I had heeded the holy text. I would not have attempted to cure the floor lamp of its permanent lean and I would not have destroyed it in the process. We would still have light, if at an angle. Now we have an even and oppressive darkness in the corner…and the prospect of an equally oppressive journey to the furniture shop to get another lamp.

It was not an expensive thing…and the internal construction of it was in keeping with this. The lean was caused by the base crumbling, and really there was no cure possible…but it could have kept on leaning for months had I not commenced treatment. It was well enough and needed a dose of leaving alone.

I shall take the hint. There are a number of little things that have been niggling at me around the house and shop. I will look very closely at them now and see if they really do need human intervention, or whether they are just a natural feature of the landscape…

Postscript: The lamp was replaced by a similar item from IKEA – to my immense satisfaction. But I am still not going to attempt to retile the sofa myself…



Our new kitchen is getting built. The team doing it is at the stage of screwing cabinets together. But to get to this point, they have had to hammer, saw, and chisel the old kitchen out.

It is not the sort of thing that you want to see happening. I’ve done my share of demolition, but it was always on someone else’s property or anatomy, and there was a certain degree of dispassion about it. Not when it is your house…

So far only a few surprises, and most of them pleasant. Only a couple of delays, and they can be side-stepped. I am closeted in the computer room trying not to hear what is going on, and failing. I am pleased that I cannot offer any actual physical assistance that would be helpful, as it prevents me from giving the other sort.

We dine out, not in, for the next few days.

Taking Back Life – Part One – How Many Friends?

Is your life shared with people on the internet? Do you have a Facebook, Twitter, or Instagram account on your computer, mobile phone, or tablet that keeps you in touch with people –  people you normally wouldn’t touch with a barge pole? Welcome to the modern world.

As a child, I had two parents, three grandparents, fifteen cousins, and about six friends in my home town. That’s 26 people with whom to interact – some on a regular basis, and some at intervals as long as 5 years. I managed to be happy and fulfilled with the amount of approval that they gave me and coped with any other treatment in the meantime.

Of course there were acquaintances and school companions, but they shifted and faded as the years went by. I can remember them via school yearbooks, but find evidence of only two of them in public records via Google. The relatives fare even worse…I had to do a thorough analysis of one picture before I could convince myself the person in it was a cousin. Heaven knows where the rest are…

Now, with FB and other accounts – as well as the WordPress connection – I seem to have gathered 1200 souls into the iMac. I know some of them personally, and some merely by screen. Some are a complete mystery, and some a complete pain, but I am too polite to wave them away in case they are offended by it.

The most frightening thing is finding a day in which all my intellectual contact and stimulation comes through that screen – and not through human conversation or serious reading. I’ve no-one to blame but myself for that isolation – though the distances we travel in this town to meet each other are sometimes excessive considering the short period that we are in each other’s company.

I really do have to consider whether I am getting the best out of my time by following these social sites so slavishly. It may be time to trim down the Facebook contact pool and ditch the Instagram. And go find real people in real time.



Collecting Things For Gumtree

I have started to collect things for Gumtree sales – or I might opt for eBay.com.au. I’ll get the daughter to show me how to do the registration and presentation and then I’ll get rid of a few things that are surplus around here.

First off I’ll find the box that my Giveashit button came in and repack it. I don’t think I have used it for about 5 years and I might as well get some money back on it before it becomes obsolete. It was in constant use until about 1985 when I shut down some of the North American links. Every year since then I’ve disconnected some of the wires to former professions, businesses, or acquaintances and now it works less than 10% of the time. Oh I try – I do press it whenever someone puts up some anguished meme on Facebook in an effort to make myself explode with either rage or delight. But most times all I get is a clicking sound. Maybe someone younger and with more passion will get some fun out of it.

Then I am going to try to get some return from the anxiety collection. I got some of them as a child – presents from relatives – and then was able to add something new each year as I grew up. My Fear Of Russians cards are still in mint condition – some of them have never been removed from the cellophane packets. With the way the Russians are behaving these days I should be able to get the entire purchase price plus a bonus back. I didn’t save my Moko Lesney Matchbox cars, but these cards should more than make up for it.

I do feel a little bad about the old shoebox full of religious feelings. I kind of hate to let them go. They were like a coin collection – you could take them out on a rainy day and play with them – looking at all the arcane writings engraved upon them and wondering where they came from. In my case I suspect from the Bronze Age. I intend to sell them outright – I don’t want to trade them for someone else’s shoebox.

I’m in two minds about the clothing. The Suit Of Ambition doesn’t fit all that well any more – I have outgrown the waistline on the trousers – and the Cloak Of Humility smells a little – but I still have a feeling that there will be some place I can wear them. But as I really don’t fancy intensive night life, I can’t really think where.

How To Win Fiends And Inconvenience People


Dale Carnegie has been gone for many years but his legacy of social engagement and self-promotion lives on. His book might seem dated but the concepts he espoused are universal. So, too, are those of the Backstabbers Guild Of Australia – like glitter or scrofula, we never really go away.

Dale was concerned with ways of making yourself more likeable and liked – the BGA operates on the other side of the highway. And we are every bit as keen on it as Mr. Carnegie – indeed we can give you our guarantee that if people do not shy away from you in disgust after 60 days of our treatment we will refund your money.

Now most people start out inherently likeable – if we weren’t, our parents would sell us on eBay. Even as young people we have certain attraction. Many of the young people I know attract dirt and unstable companions. We need to do something to counteract this, and it need s to be done on a regular basis.

This is where the BGA comes in. We can teach you all the moves that cause people to move away. We can give you mental halitosis. We can equip you handsomely for a life in the wrong.

Are you male? Caucasian? Awake? You can be in the wrong with feminists, socialists, and Al Sharpton right now from the comfort of your living room without doing a thing. In fact – you already are…Shame, Shame, Shame…

Are you a citizen? Are you an actual name on a voting roll? Do you have an identity that can be verified in a court of law? You are a blot on the escutcheon of the world, Sirrah, and must be blamed for whatever and whenever we want. Shame, Shame, Shame…

Are you going to persist in using the word Shame instead of changing it to Shaem in recognition of the intuitive-spellings countercultural collective? Shaem, Shaem, Shaem…

” But wait a minute ” you say. ” “I’m a coloured woman, I vote for the Democratic Party. I knit quilts. How could I be shamed? I’m safe. ”

Madam. You are alive. You are walking around dressed in clothes. You eat breakfast and read library books and drive a small sedan car. Trust us. If we can’t find someone who finds everything you do offensive, and is prepared to dissect it out into a series of bitter little Facebook posts, then we will give up making vitriol smoothies and take up knitting ourselves.

Did we mention that knitters are guilty?



The Theme Park Of Our Dreams…A Modest Proposal


Those of you who are easily offended will enjoy the next six inches of copy. You will have every opportunity to go incandescent with rage. You may want to put a layer of paper towels down on the chair and ask the family to step out for an hour.

I want to propose theme parks for the world that allow us to fulfill our worst fantasies, rather than our best. (  Nine Flags To Hell, if you will. )

In the modern world we have all come to hate someone. They might be a different race, nationality, or religion – they might be a different economic class or adherents to a different political philosophy – whatever…we hate them. But we are constantly enjoined to bury our differences and love them and cherish them and…and…and it is load of cobblers. We hate them. The horrid thing about it is that we are not allowed to express our hate or do anything about it – it sits in us and festers.

Well I propose that we see a multi-national organisation set up a chain of theme parks throughout the world to provide an enriching experience for those who hate without allowing it to go overboard. As a social safety net it should be just about perfect.

Say you are in Turkey and hate Kurds. Have hated them for years. Will hate them forever. Well you go along to our registered theme park: KurdWorld…and you pay your $ 75 at the gate and are let into an authentic recreation of  a Kurdish village. Houses, public buildings, open spaces…as good as the real thing. And it is peopled by trained actors who portray Kurds. But the secret is that they are also skilled acrobats and stage performers. They are trained to be able to absorb blows and not come to harm. So you can wade into them with fists and cudgels until you stand panting with exhaustion. You get the satisfaction of beating up on them and subjecting them to ‘ misery ‘ with the reassurance that you cannot do any lasting harm.

Now the same applies to whites, blacks, Asians, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Inuit, or any other division of mankind. You can hop in and whale away at Quakers, Mexicans, Liberals, Conservatives, or Germans to your heart’s content. Foam rubber weapons are available for hire at the gate and you can purchase disposable rubber gloves if you are afraid of getting any bodily fluids on you as you have fun.

Walt Disney never had it so good…mind you, if Walt had made a theme park where he could punch labour leaders and left-wing politicians he would probable still be going today. Fantasyland and Natureland were never this much fun!

For my part I am hoping that they will open a local theme park that allows me to beat up on pacifists. They’ve been responsible for all the peaces that we’ve been plagued with and it’s time they were made to pay for it. To the barricades!