What Are The Qualifications Needed To Be A Facebook Political Critic?

  1. You must have a Facebook account. You are going to have to admit to a name for it, but you might not have to admit to your own.
  2. You must have a device, or access to a device. It used to be a computer you needed. Then you could go to a laptop, a tablet, or a mobile phone. Soon you’ll be able to browse Facebook from the back of a cornflake packet or a plumber’s plunger. How ironic…
  3. You must have an opinion. It need not be your own. There are racks of ’em that you can choose from – some a lot smarter than you’ll ever be. Just pick one and plaster it on your feed.
  4. You must never hope to stand for any office whatsoever yourself. Because what you share and write on social media will be stored forever and be retrieved by political opponents. I’ve been writing weblog columns for years and am safe against any call from a political party…indeed when I vote at our local school for state and federal elections they hand me How-Not-To-Vote cards.
  5. You must have the courage of your convictions. But don’t rush to it – if you have only been arraigned you may get off with a warning.
  6. You must be prepared to de-friend people at the drop of a hat. If you don’t own a hat there is a nice section in Myers Garden City where you can get them. Try not to de-friend people at the drop of a VB cap – it looks cheap.
  7. Keep an accurate list of who you love and who you hate. It is embarrassing to like someone else’s memes when they run counter to your own.
  8. Remember that elections are won and lost by winners and losers. Or is the UEFA games?

Lumpy Thighs

What odd creatures we are. We insist on seeing lumpy thighs on actors like Arnold Swartzenegger but reject them on Nicole Kidman. They are not dangerous to us, nor to their owners, but we insist on making a fuss.

Likewise many of the other bits of the body – and there are people who devote their entire lives to building up and breaking down the various muscles that puff up the external appearance of man or woman. If they succeed we laud them – if they do not we slate them. And yet none of their muscles are ever likely to affect us one way or the other.

The same doesn’t apply to actors’ or tycoons’ political opinions or endorsements. They can, indeed, make us unhappy when translated into election results or legislative efforts. We may be subject to them because of their notoriety. Even if we do not respect the famous, others do, and woe betide us if we are not with the program.

I am also starting to suspect actors’ role in sales promotions. World-wide fame is used to sell exercise machines that will soon be discarded on the verge for council collection. Likewise dietary supplements ( read by-products that cannot be sold by any other means…), golf balls, and religious affiliation. It may be just my skeptical nature, but has anyone stopped to consider that an actor’s stock in trade is simulation…and that is a very short distance from dissimulation.

They Get To Complain And You Get To Not Care About It

And that is the most efficient way to resolve many problems.

If you’ve got a Facebook account for yourself or through some other group, you’ll have seen the posts that complain about something. They are sincere, sometimes…and self -serving, sometimes…and totally obscure, sometimes. Some people can actually write the trifecta, if they wish.

When they do,they may get a number of reactions:

a. Everyone will ask them if they are alright.

b. Everyone will suggest that they are all wrong.

c. No-one will react at all.

In each case they can derive some benefit from the exercise:

a. They’ll have gotten their pain/opinion/baited trap out to the world for all to see. The internal pressure will have been relieved. In some cases it takes time for the smell to dissipate.

b. They’ll find out whether they have any friends. And what their opinions are. And how they can be goaded in the future.

c. They’ll be able to receive targeted advertisements that touch in some way on every word written. You might not think that the social media engineers can make a credible marketing strategy out of the word ” and ” but you’ll be wrong. The writers should be prepared to be shilled with heavy-calibre ordnance.

The readers will also benefit:

a. They’ll know someone is alive. This may cause them joy or pain.

b. They’ll know all the deepest secrets. If people are dumb enough to write them.

c. Read (b.) again to yourself slowly…

c. They will have an opportunity to explode with rage and/or love. I cannot say which will be worse.

d. They will have been freed from the inclination to ever again have a thought on the subject. A great boon for some topics.