A guide to Canberra for the Jewel citizen.
All Australian politicians are worried. And it’s not just the fear of being ousted from office, or found nude in a seedy bar, or with their hand jammed crosswise in a charity tin. They are worried about being related to…wait for it…wait for it…relatives.
Not that this is a new thing – the politicians prior to 1972 were desperately keen to hide their ancestry in case it contained a criminal who had been deported to a penal colony. After the election of the Whitlam government and the blossoming of national identity known as the Bogan Spring, the fear shifted to the possibility of not having a criminal ancestry. Many of the ministers who were horrified to discover a pristine family history hurried to soil it as fast as they could – and many succeeded.
Now it has turned out that our national constitution contains hidden pockets of legislation that disqualify politicians from office based upon the national rulings of other countries. Some of the pollies are finding that even if their ancestors were pillars of the community in their old countries as well as Australia, it still comes back to bite them. A number have found that the various turns of not only Australian but British, Commonwealth, and foreign law have dished them.
As different people find out that the T’s were not dotted and the I’s not crossed on various citizenship forms back in the last century, and as a consequence they are now citizens of the Dutch East Indies, Formosa, French Indo China, the Austro-Hungarian Empire, and British Umboopooland, they are desperately taking legal advice from lawyers – who in their turn have no idea what to do except issue receipts and order another case of scotch. Every social media fan-boy and fan-girl who thinks that their side is winning is doing high fives…until one of their favourite senators or members of parliament turn up on the news ” taking advice “.
I predict there will be a fast re-writing of the section of the constitution that has caused this, a ka-ching to the lawyers who got onto it quick, and a season of cat-calling between the leaders of the major parties. Who nonetheless welcome the sideshow as a diversion from the things that they cannot say, do, or solve.
I’m just hoping they will fight it out in burkas…Pink burkas with glitter…bitch slapping on the floor of the House.
None of this could have happened to a nicer set of people…