The BGA Useful Idiot Bureau

I am starting to organise a Useful Idiot Bureau. I intend to register people who are gullible enough to fall for anything and to lease them out as mobile crowds for whomever can pay.

I’ll be offering them to the political parties who cannot win a workable majority in parliament and to people who wish to make a name for themselves without actually doing anything useful. Futility is a lonely thing and the comfort of bus loads of school children and disgruntled pensioners can ease the pain. Neither group need receive any benefit past a day off school or a nice afternoon’s whinge out in the sun.

The fees to be paid for these crowds are still a matter for debate – professional actors cost a lot of money and amateur ones cost a lot of anxiety. A formula that draws the sheep in without having to feed them is what is required, and so far the Guild doesn’t have the right mix. But we are working on it. We’re going to field a Save-The-Cockroach mass day of action later in the year and by then we should have the money right. Not that you’ll see any of it, mind…

The chief worry for the Guild department responsible for these demonstrations will be to prevent actual Fellow Travellers from showing up and taking over. We have a limited budget and it doesn’t generally stretch to pitchforks and torches.