I Blame The….

a. Police…when people who are committing crimes are chased and caught and jailed and made to be unhappy. This is not right. A criminal has a constitutional right to do crime…based upon their ethnicity and their desire to do crime. The police want to punish this and it’s an outrage.

b. Police…when people are injured or die evading them after committing crimes. A person who does crimes is supposed to escape from the police because I have seen it on the telly and in the movies. If they do not succeed it is a basic assault on human rights.

c. White people. Because it has proved to be an effective way to get publicity and eventually get paid for it. And it would be wrong to prevent a successful business from flourishing.

d. Society. In case there are successful people with money that can be accessed who are not white. They are guilty too…of being successful.

e. Pauline Hanson. Because everyone hates her and if I blame her I look virtuous.

f. Pauline Hanson’s former partners and party members. Hard to tell who’s being nasty to whom, but I figure that when you see a head you kick it.

g. Donald Trump. I get kewl points for this and Trump is so far away that I never get pulled up for it. I tried blaming Hilary but I got an email with a picture of a horse’s head in my bed. So I just blame Trump for everything…I’m no fool.

h. Vaccines. And when that doesn’t work I blame non-vacc people. The effect is the same – I get publicity.

i. Schools. Well, we all hated school, didn’t we, and we made sure that our kids knew that it was the right way to be…the hating, I mean. So now when they screw up royally, it’s all the school’s fault. Stands to reason, eh?

j. The flag and the anthem. Well, it worked for Kaepernick, didn’t it? I might get a lucrative shoe contract if my kid won’t stand up at school assembly. Worth a try, innit?



Exercising My Uncivil Rights

I am going to make an assumption here than may prove to be incorrect. I don’t mean it to be, but I am somewhat unversed in the law and so must feel my way.

I am an Australian citizen, in Australia. I am not in the military – and so not subject to military law – and I’m not a prisoner of a state or federal institution – so presumably have all the civil rights that the next person has. They have not been suspended.

I would like to think at this point that I share this happy state of affairs with Americans, Canadians, and Britons, as well as any number of people in Scandinavian and European countries…but I know at the outset that there can be widely differing rights. We can’t own a military rifle here in Australia except in some especial cases – in the USA they can. They have other restrictions from which we are free ( we can ask for black or white coffee and get it without a racial argument ). And so on though each nation. Different cities have different civilities

I wonder if this applies in converse – are there different uncivil rights for each country?

” What is an uncivil right? “, you may ask. Broadly speaking, it’s the freedom one may have in a particular place to be unpleasant, unhelpful, unwashed, and undesirable. Add to that unthinking, ungrateful, and unintelligent. Really…all the horrible fun stuff.

Of course your uncivil rights may impinge upon other’s civil rights. The oaf on the train roaring and reeking comes to mind…though not to the attention of the transport police often enough.

Unpleasant speech is proscribed at various levels – here in Australia we’re not allowed to incite racial, religious, or ethnic hatred under penalty of law. It may also apply to inciting sexual or political hatred as well, but there seems to be a lot of this passing back and forth anyway. I think you are still allowed to incite hatred for inanimate objects like publicly funded sculptures or for food like liver and lima beans.

You are allowed to speak in an unpleasant manner as long as the words that issue are legally defensible. No-one has yet been able to legislate an accent.

You can certainly be unhelpful and get away with it…though not in life-threatening situations or those where a citizen is expected to assist the police with their enquiries. Then you have to do wheat you think is the right thing and trust that  lawyers will later think of it in those terms. But you are allowed to watch as people are drenched by water at bus stops or become tangled with the dog and the groceries.

Lack of hygiene is so common that it nearly escapes censure. Unfortunately.

Unintelligent? Well, if you pass below a certain level you are entitled to sympathy and assistance and no-one should deny it you. If you are in the operational range but decide to remain stupid this is not as civil – but again you can restrict yourself if you wish. Unthinking is no crime…if it were, would most popular music of the last century exist? Indeed, sitting on a porch in the evening with a long drink and no responsibilities is a delightful form of unthinking until the cat drags in a half-dead rat.

Ingratitude rarely collects an earthly punishment. It’s one of the deadliest of ancient sins, and one of the keenest cuts that can be perceived. The mistake the ungrateful make is to think that they get away with it unnoticed. It is never unnoticed, and never forgotten. Perhaps we should put it in the category of a bad purchase – you’ll regret it when you finally pay for it.



Attack Magazine


It’s not true that there are no new things under the sun – I think I have just seen one such object on our local newsagent’s racks: an attack magazine.

Don’t get me wrong – I realise that publications from the dawn of the written word have come out attacking things – we see it in all the best and worst authors, for equally good and bad reasons. But this is the first time that I have seen a periodical define itself in those precise words. Attack magazine.

Of course, it is connected with the arts. That was a given…oh, wait…ahh, I might have made a mistake in that. It could also have been connected to the left wing of the Labour Party. They rather favour attacks, particularly when in opposition. Not exclusively then, you understand…they do like to do it in the party caucus rooms was well when in government.

But I am side-tracked. The 1cm-thick magazine is printed on very good quality paper – heavyweight and luxurious. It has a logo and screed to say it is in some wise sponsored by the Australian government through a department of the arts. Most of it would appear to be connected to RMIT in Melbourne, and I would be willing to bet a great many of the attacks contributed to it are from arts students in Melbourne.

This is as it should be. Arts students form a valuable resource for the nation and must be supported during their formative years – first by especial programs in secondary schools and then through arts grants in tertiary institutions. Thereafter they should receive large sums of money from state and federal governments and from private corporations for the manufacture and supply of…attack.

Well, that’s what they wrote that their magazine was all about. They know what they do better than we.

Of course their attacks must be directed properly. Target lists for all the most popular attacks are readily available at most universities. The standard categories of target; whites, males, middle class individuals, Liberal Party voters, Christians, Jews, Americans, etc., need no comment, but once the attack artist has settled on the broad plan, there are always details to be investigated.

Will they be able to get funding from one religious body to attack another? Will they be given the latest list of things to be offended about – these change weekly, you know, and it is no good trying to be outraged with material from last month. What about their position on the points table ? Can they get their picture in the paper by camping somewhere and waving a banner? The list can be frighteningly long.

But never fear. Attack artists…RMIT attack artists…are never daunted. They have the firm support of the rest of the RMIT students with the possible exception of the Engineers who think they are wankers, and they can move bravely forward into broad upland plains of protest, angst, and righteousness.

At least as long as the supply of really good printing paper holds out.

PS: $ 14 at your local newsagent. Or read it free if you are willing to stand there for just hours.

PPS: That’s ZOWIE magazine there on the top. ZOWIE is not printed on good quality paper, but who cares?