You Can Orgasm All You Want – I’m Busy

We often read about orgasms and many people have come to regard them as a good idea. Whole industries are devoted to providing them – to others and to ourselves. Not only producing them but documenting them and sharing pictures, written accounts, and sound recordings. For all I know there may be firms who sell smells, tastes, and electromagnetic auras of orgasms to a willing market.

But I am also reminded of a scurrilous little cartoon I once saw that showed four people standing around comparing the pleasures to be had from various sexual adventures. One claimed that one form of lovemaking was the best, another touted for an entirely opposite behaviour, and a third had a list of variations to recommend. The fourth was honest – saying none of the forms of sex were half as pleasurable as just taking a regular daily dump. Well, I did say it was scurrilous…

But it was probably right for some people. And I suspect there are equal numbers of other activities that spark pleasure hidden pleasure…even if they do not support vast empires as they do it:

a. Picking your own vegetables and eating them raw in the garden.

b. Finally getting the car completely clean. LIke the afterglow of sex, this cleanliness lasts for only a very short period of time before the cat jumps on either the bonnet of the car or the bed.

c. Starting out with a burning desire to spend money on something and then discovering that you have all the necessary component parts to do it already  – for free. If you carry on to project completion and haven’t spent any money, you can lie there in the dark and chortle to yourself

d. Wearing old clothes while looking at the cost of new ones.

e. Finding a book that you have always wanted but have never seen in the shops. And it is on sale for 50¢ at the library…




The Little World – The Warm Orgasm Of Cleaning Up

Think what you will about the pride of accomplishment and possession that grips a modeller during their time in the workshop  – I say there is no thrill to equal that of cleaning the place up after completing a project. And in some cases it does not even have to be after successfully finishing something…sometimes just the act of getting free of the whole wretched mess is reward enough.

I don’t know what kind of modeller you are, or in what direction your work has taken you. Nor what sort of workshop and tools you have. I don’t even know whether you are a neat and tidy person in yourself or a wallowing hog. Wherever you fit in the spectrum from surgical cleanliness to cow pies on the counter, you will have gotten to the same point at sometime in your career – you’ve finished the last thing possible on your model and put it carefully up on the shelf for posterity.

Now look around. Does it look like a minimalist living room or does it look like Stalingrad? Can you see the floor? Can you see the walls? Is the paint on the ceiling? is the paint on the cat? Is the cat on the ceiling? Whatever – it is time to recover the place and get ready for the next idea.

Find the tools. You will not find them all the first time you look. You may not find some of them no matter how hard you look. Accept an attrition rate of drill bits and tiny hand tools during the best projects. If you have lost the bandsaw or the air compressor, however, check that the workshop locks are still present.

Then start to pick up the off-cuts from whatever you were using. Are any of them still useful? Save them in special boxes that you can throw out in a year when you realise you were wrong. Or save them for 35-40 years and discover that you were right.

Are there any half-used tins of paint? If so, tip them all unto a bucket and paint the back porch with the result. It will either be flat grey or a salmon colour, depending upon whether you are a good moral person or a pervert. The neighbours will know by looking at the porch.

Collect all the parts that you find on the floor that skittered out of your hand or the bench vise as you were making them. Regard these as the working models of the parts that you then had to remake when you were unable to find the first ones on the floor. Throw them in the bin and curse them.

Clean the bench top. Possibly with a broom, possibly with a cloth. Possibly with fire. Just get it back to a semblance of flatness as you will be building your next project on there and it is no good trying to get things in plumb if you are sitting on old glue blobs.

Sharpen the pencils and cap the marker pens. Try the old ones out to see if they are dry enough yet to throw out. Hammer the ruler flat again.

Clean the paintbrushes by rinsing them in the appropriate thinner, working the bristles carefully. Rinse them, shape them so that they have a straight edge, and then throw them into the bin. They sell better brushes than you have just ditched in packets of five for three dollars.

Gather all the sprues, boxes, unused decal sheets, instructions, and spare parts from the kit that you have just finished – note that fully 3/4 of what you paid for at the hobby shop is still in the box and is now totally useless. Go to the hobby shop tomorrow and ask for 3/4 of your money back. Tomorrow will be a special day for you…

And finally, vacuum the floor and benches. No matter how clean you got it before, this final step will suck up the final detail part that you could not find on the sprue ( you’ll see it clearly just before it shoots up the vacuum nozzle ) and make for hours of fun as you sift through the dust bag to find it. We can supply a book of words to say while you look, but don’t let the kiddies read it.