The Backstabbers Guild Of Australia has a reputation for dishonesty that is wholly undeserved. We are never untrue to our core values and our corporate mission. We never promise what we cannot deliver and we never deliver without getting a signature – no receipt – no deceit.
By the same token we do not deal in unvarnished truth. Now that there are $ 13 spray cans of Berger and Dulux gloss and semi-matt available from Bunnings we make sure that everything we tell you can safely be cleaned with a damp cloth.
But even these high ideals and multi-mission morals are put to the test when it comes to the social site Facebook. Now that we’ve started re-examining it again for pleasure each day, we can’t believe how many people lay themselves out for a shelling. They post things that invite a barrage and they post the ordnance survey map coordinates as well. It is almost as if they wanted to be treated badly. There are clubs for that, you know, and big ones, too…
It is all that the observant BGA reader can do to prevent themselves from making use of the sensitivities and tender feelings that people expose. Of course some of this may be just bait – posting an anti-Trump meme to see if they can get a fight started – vaguebooking in the hopes of little hearts and sad emoticons – but some of it is bound to be genuine. That is very sad. The Guild is not a monster – we do not grind the helpless. The helpless have no money and there is no point in wearing out the teeth of the grinder on them for no return. So we pass over the obvious and the inadvertent – reserving our bolts for the best armour.
I think it is a tribute to the Backstabbers Guild’s sense of morality and dignity to say that we never kill what we are not prepared to either skin or eat. This alone has preserved many of our Facebook friends, as well as a fair proportion of the local city council’s executive.