Lying For Money – Part Two

First thing, let us get correct use of the English language out of the way. Specifically, ” lying ” and ” laying “. The former is what politicians do and the latter what hens and whores do. Choose your profession before you put up your sign.

Lying can lead us to all sorts of trouble when we are detected in it by others, or when we do it so successfully that we start to believe it ourselves. Either occurrence leads to loss of our dignity – and the appearance of dignity is what allows us to manipulate others. Dignity and sincerity are essential to successful crime.

How to start lying for money? Well, start small. You won’t make much in tips or favours by being a bellhop or waitperson in Australia -we are not really a tipping society. But you can go to a racecourse and tip or recommend horses all day with no fear of being abused. If a horse wins you sidle up to the successful punter and remind them that your advice was invaluable. If they lose you don’t bother to sidle. Occasionally you beetle out the gate, but then hanging round too long at a party is never good manners.

Or become an usher at your local church and assist in passing the plate around for contributions. Plates are notorious for tipping and spilling money into pants pockets. Practice angelic looks in the mirror until you get them right.

Can you lie with a straight face to a government employee? If you are a government employee can you lie with a straight face to a client of an agency? GO’s and NGO’s are looking for you right now. A bland smile and a grey sleeveless sweater are advantageous at the job interview – they like talking to one of their own.

I Think You Can’t…I Think You Can’t…

Or, The Little Engine That Worked For The Local Council.

I have a confession to make – I have stopped asking the local council for permission to do anything. I’ve stopped asking ┬áthe state government the same question. In fact, I’m even considering cutting the federal government out of the equation when it comes to deciding how to order my life.

I’m not going to go so far when it comes to the wife. That’d just be crazy talk.

But flouting the local authorities would seem to be a good idea these days. I am no longer in receipt of a big income, nor of a pension, so throwing money around for permits and licenses seems like a waste of resource. I am fortunate in that the things I fancy are lawful and reasonably healthy and can be made to attract little attention. I am not fool enough to activate the sumptuary laws buried in council regulations nor the jealousies buried in the hearts of my neighbours.

Case in point: The state government would like to have anywhere from $75 to $100 to register a business name for me. I would like the same amount for hard liquor and model airplanes. Therefore I have named my business to my own satisfaction, to the satisfaction of my clients, and to that of the Australian Taxation Office…without reference to the local Jobsworths. I figure the financial feds trump them anyway.

I also operate a model airplane workshop in my back yard shed. I’d be willing to bet there are a dozen council regulations that might be applied to it, but after getting the first piece of paper allowing erection of the structure 35 years ago I don’t see that it is any of their business what I build in it. If I start to assemble floating mines I will reconsider…

And so on. Our family parks our cars on the front lawn as there is insufficient space for them in the carport. Betcha that’d get a fistful of paper if I were an enemy of the council…but I’m not. They see the rates paid and the bins sorted and the anonymity this gives me is just what I want.