Here Comes An Election

And I’m ready.

I have cleared space in the cake tin for Mrs DeSouza’s lemon slice and I have the cash ready. I will also save space for the Democracy Sausage ( I belong to the Fried Onion Party – Mustard Division ) because I take my federal responsibilities seriously.

Of course there will be that silly Walk Of Annoyance as you approach the polling station and the activists of various parties try to hump your leg. I wave them away and head for the end of the line, secure in my choice before i even see if I have one. If you go early ( lemon slice early ) you need not stand there too long, but you’ll be faced with the same ballot paper no matter what.

Australian ballot papers are still actual paper – rather than a machine with levers. We are crude down here, and our savage nature generally results in a clean ballot. There have been occasions where ballot boxes have gone missing and by-elections have resulted, but we trust that heads have rolled in the electoral commission over this and are currently being displayed on pikes in Canberra. For the most part we might not get the politicians we deserve, but we do want to get the ones we have voted for.

Oh stop. I know he only got in on 19 votes and the demise of the previous Senator. And I know he has made an ass of himself in the Senate. But remember that the Speaker of the Senate is Darryn Hinch and if that doesn’t show the true nature of the body, nothing will. I’m glad we don’t have Daryl Somers or Agro there in his place. Yet.

So, there we’ll be at the local school with our ballot paper and tiny pencil in hand. Due to the nature of the democratic process in Australia the paper will be roughly the size of a tarpaulin ute cover. It will contain names we have never heard of before representing parties that make us feel vaguely dirty. We will marvel that people would come out in public and espouse the rubbish that we see on the paper.

Never mind. Number them backward from the most objectionable/flaccid/hilarious to the ones that actually might be competent. If you cannot bring yourself to vote for anyone treat yourself to a 5-minute session of blighting someone’s hopes forever. You are unlikely  to ever meet them in person but you can make their deposit vanish.

First Results Are Coming In From Election Central

It’s too early to tell yet but the swing seems to be toward the Lemon Slice.

A strong fightback has been promised by the Rum Balls and there is always the possibility of an ethnic resurgence once the Curry Puffs are put on the table.

Supporters of each party are at the polling station handing out How To Eat cards.

More results as they come to hand.

Vote Lamington For The Riverton Electorate

This Saturday sees a state government election for Western Australia. I want all my North American and European readers to get out on the streets and protest strongly over the issues here. Never mind that you are not citizens or electors. If we had the decency  to throw ourselves around like pigs in a futile fit about the American presidency or Britain and the EU, you have a moral duty to do the same for us. A hint: The government party is disliked. But then so is the opposition and the other hopefuls.

For our part we will vote – at the local school or shire hall – and do so in an orderly fashion. There will be a gauntlet of party supporters to run from the carpark to the demountable classroom that holds to polling station and the unwary may find themselves clutching a dozen how-to-vote advice cards and other propaganda. I am happy to say that there are very few disturbances amongst the political supporters. If you want to pass through them and take nothing, they are legally bound to let you do so. I find a good sneeze and a streaming handkerchief gets me a clear passage.

The state election is in the demountable – the real election is in the school playground outside it. That is where the ladies of the school support group set up tables to sell home-baked goods. It pays to go early and it pays to take enough change with you – some of the trays of lamingtons and lemon slices are magnificent. One lady baxter in particular I know from previous elections and I will stalk her like a trophy deer.

They can elect who they like for the state legislature – I intend to vote for her and her lemon slice.