Do Not Click On This Link

If you do, you will be unhappy. You will lose time, money, or patience with humanity. Or all three. It is known as the Imperfecta…and unlike multiple bets on horse races, it is extremely easy to win.

If you have read this far it shows you have a desire for either punishment or humour. I like to craft my jokes so that you cannot have one without the other. In this I am aided immeasurably by the social media outlets. They allow me to step in a tilt someone’s mental bowl of soup off the table into their lap.

I am not alone in this. Just today I clicked on an innocent picture of soldiers preparing for an army exercise in one of our suburbs. I imagine it will be the infantry – and I would not be surprised if they pop off a few blank rounds while skulking through the paddocks. The horses agisted around the area may object, but the local dogs will have a good time. If it turns out to be the artillery exercising I’m going to get a bucket of popcorn, a big orange drink, and enjoy the show…

However – the Facebook post that warned local residents ( probably with a repeat in the local press and over the television ) drew forth a number of trolls from other parts of the country who were able to conflate the army exercise with the current state of Covid 19 lockdown in Victoria, vaccines, sheep, and new world order conspiracies.

I would normally avert my eyes but in the case of a few of them the grammar, spelling, and sentiments were such as to suggest professional comedy writers holed-up on a hotel room with the mini-bar open. I honestly cannot tell whether the posters are real or really good at appearing to be stupid beyond belief.

I am hoping that is is art, which I applaud. If it is science, I am gloomy, and if it is life imitating either of the other two named, I am saddened.

 

 

The Karen and Sharon Institute Of Opinion

The K&S Institute is open for business. Indeed, ever since the inception of social media on the internet, the Kaz ‘n Shaz ( as it is affectionately known down the pub… ) has been responsible for scalding and scolding readers – but the recent virus lockdown that has kept the wise indoors has meant a much greater engagement for this institution.

The Advisory Bored of the K&S are uniformly qualified to comment upon nutrition, vaccines, politics, kittens, and unicorn essences. They have wasted no time in reading or researching any of these subjects, and their pronouncements upon them reflect this. We can only be grateful for this level of expertise.

Application to join the bored is always open to the public. There is a strict examination regarding political beliefs and willingness to mock current heads of state in the western world. In this respect, those who refuse to worship or damn as they are directed will be refused. There is no ball as black as that of the annoyed K&S Central Committee – be warned.

Workers in the field of Social Advice and Opinion will be required to show competence in spelling and grammar. The Institute well knows the damaging effect of the typographical error, as they have a strike team scrutinising every statement that comes out of the White House and Whitehall for suitable mistakes. It takes only a moment of inattention to convertĀ puissance to piss ants.

Members of the Institute serve with no remuneration save what they may cozen out of their readers. To this end they are well advised to develop a side hustle in essential oils, vitamin supplements, and feel-good promotion seminars. The Institute takes only a nominal fee from the members and only if there is any money left unguarded.