A Gentle Thank-You

a. To people who read my weblog columns and get the humour. And laugh.

b. To people who read the columns and do not get them and then grumble. This gives me an opportunity for laughter.

c. To people who still talk to me.

d. To people who have cut me dead.

e. To people who read my material in hopes that I will get better at writing. If it is any consolation to you, I hope I will get better as well. If there was a spell-Check for thoughts I might have a chance.

f. To the people who make Facebook as crassly stupid as it is. They do not raise any faith in mankind, but they let me feel superior to something. Not quite as good as canned chili but better than a suggested post.

g. To people who do not tailgate me at dusk when I am in an unfamiliar neighbourhood. May your tyres always maintain pressure and your seatbelt never pinch.

h. To people who keep appointments.

i. To people who help me with technical enquiries – but only if they are right.

j. To people who speak loudly enough to be heard and slowly enough to be understood.

k. To people who do not bring takeaway containers of coffee out and sip while we are in conversation.

l. To waiters and waitresses who do not hover. If I want another beer I’ll call for it; if I want a helicopter I’ll call Sikorski.

m. To book store owners who put good things on remainders tables at low prices.


The Clothes Dryer

DryThe invention of the clothes dryer may very well be the basic point at which we turned from savages to civilised people. Prior to this were were at the mercy of providence and the Meteorological Bureau for enough clean clothes to wear for a week – after this we could structure our lives around art, science, and literature.

Why it took so long is a mystery. The resourceful colonists in Massachusetts and Vermont and such invented cider presses, iron stoves, and gasoline buggies long before they had the good sense to supplement the clothes line. Even before the age of steam there must have been someone who was bright enough to realise that fire makes heat and hot air could dry clothes. It isn’t rocket science.

And what a boon it would have been to the pioneer women, They might have been resigned to  spending their days in childbirth and Indian fighting, but they would all have welcomed dry towels to do it with.

If a primitive society could devise a way to distill bourbon they could dry clothes in the winter. I think there must have been a conspiracy way back then. It would make for a good PhD…