a. Sponsor our club.
We want you to give us things for free. If you do we’ll say we like you and might buy things from you. If you don’t we won’t like you and might still buy things from you – but we’ll complain about the prices.
Actually, we’ll do that even if you do sponsor us.
b. Buy our product.
Every shop needs what we have to sell. That is why we go to every shop and try to sell it to them. We’ve already been to see all your competitors and filled their shelves, but we still have some broken boxes of stock to get rid of before we close the warehouse.
Ah, did I say close? I meant move to bigger premises. Where? Somewhere…anywhere…
Of course the goods are good sellers. We managed to sell them to everyone else already. Why should you be suspicious?
c. Subscribe to our service.
Our service provides you with a plan. This will explain the program and the opportunity to become part of a concept. You get in on the ground floor. Everyone is doing it, and we will all be rich. All you need is faith and the ability to enjoy the wonderful benefits of the planned concept program. I own a BMW and I take vacations to exotic places every year, so it must be all okay.
Well, not exactly this year…unless you regard Bunbury as exotic. It can be exotic, if you go while the pubs are still open.
d. Join our movement.
Did I say movement? I meant Party. No. I meant Crusade. Oops. No – no, I didn’t. Our collective. Still not right? Church? Temple? Mosque? Schul?
Anything? Nothing? Can I sell you some cookies to support our good works? I’m tired of eating them myself.