” Grounded “

I really should not mock the afflicted…but apart from that I can laugh at the arrogant and appreciate the twists of fate.

Last week , on our freeway system, I saw a tradie’s truck pulled over at the side of the road with a motorcycle policeman in attendance. Full ceremonials, too, with red and blue lights going like crazy.

The tradie was being given some sort of ticket for some sort of offence – I suspect from the position of the cop’s bike that it was for speeding in a section of the freeway that has always been 80 km per hour speed limit. Of course there are other offences like being on your mobile phone or weaving through lanes with no signals that also attract the motorcycle Plod. I passed under the limit but had time to see the sign on the side of the trade van:

” Grounded “.

I didn’t have a camera, and using it would have been an offence anyway, but I can appreciate the occasional joke from Karma to brighten the day.

 

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Never Apologise For Saying You’re Sorry

Because if you do, somewhere a Canadian Prime Minister dies.

Mind you, Australians are also into the Sorry game. We’ve been forked into it by successive federal governments – and successful lobbyists – who have arranged for us to maintain a permanent attitude of apology to anyone who has decided to hire lawyers to demand it.

It is a business that changes frequently at the behest of university professors and radical writers. We are presented at intervals with scripts read out on private and public occasions that can be frankly bizarre. The most recent one I heard was an acknowledgement of aboriginal tribal elders prior to a middle east belly dance show held in a Croatian soccer club’s function centre. With portraits of HM Queen Elizabeth and Marshal Tito looking down over the crowd. Frankly, Salvador Dali couldn’t have drawn a more surreal spectacle.

For myself, I agree to apologise for any of my sins that have been detected. So far these have been remarkably few, and as I age, I move out of the danger zone. I still have sins, but people tend to think of them as charming peccadillos. I am not so much forgiven as tolerated. I am hoping to live long enough to get to the point where people will actually pay me for my errors of judgement. Then I can anticipate a steady income…

Should you apologise for the actions of your ancestors…or for the ancestors of other people? Should you apologise for being a migrant in a nation of migrants? Or a native in a nation of natives? Will it not be enough for you to apologise for your own follies, and leave those of others to them and to history?

I think so. I can find a number of cultural links that could place me in either the apologetic or the offended groups…and I would find myself frowning at myself and demanding compensation for things done 100 years ago by people I have never seen. The effort of doing the cultural book-keeping would be insurmountable…

I think I will just leave the past to cope with itself and concentrate on doing my own terrible things in the future.

” Are You The Owner Of The Computer? “

Are any of us really owners of the computer? Or are just lessees? Worse, are we servants of it, rather than owners?

I am drawn to this reflection by a pleasant young lady with a sub-continental accent who seems to ring every few days from a windows technical department. I’m not sure which window company she represents – we had ours done some 35 years ago by Westral and they’ve held up very well. Only had one pane has broken and that was fixed promptly.

I suppose she wants to make sure that I can receive advertisements for their blinds and curtains. I was polite and told her that the owner of the computer was unavailable – she was equally polite and wished me a good night. I look forward to her next call, which I’m sure will be at dinner time again…

Fast And Furious

The Fast And Furious  title seems to appear on a number of things – motion pictures, toys, models, appearances, etc. It heralds motor car chases, firearms, and gasoline explosions. I should imagine that a number of the participants will wear revealing clothing – which may be offered for sale at licensed establishments. I don’t know whether it is associated with a snack food or chain of restaurants, but it is still early days.

I do encounter F&F enthusiasts on the streets and freeways of Perth, however. They are distinctive in their grey and black cars that look all alike and their driving style: Zoom up behind someone, flash the high beams, honk, and dive around them…to then slow down to the same speed as the rest of the slow lane.

I don’t think that they have road rage. I think they just have rage, and it is probably evident everywhere they go and in everything they do. They are probably fast and furious in the grocery store, at the post office, and in the toilet. That would explain the sounds of the explosions in there…

What I’m really hoping for is a series of popular movies and commercial spin-offs entitled The Slow And Considerate. It could still have very small explosions but the motor cars need not tumble end over end. No-one need be covered in oil. They get to wear comfortable garments and use thee air conditioner. And the behaviour of the S&C fans on the freeway would take place mostly in the left lane, but not during rush hour. There would be courteous merging.

 

Am I A Clubman? – Part Five

The last question that you need to ask yourself is the first question you should ask. If you don’t know the answer you can call a friend. If you haven’t got any friends, you have your answer already.

Some people are born clubmen or clubwomen. They are loud, make friends easily, are unruffled, take hearty exercise, eat breakfast, produce bowel movements every day ( frequently at the same time…), and are kind to animals. They can stand for office, scrutiny, the flag, or any other thing that the club needs. They are extroverts. indefatigable, ineffable, and impossible to have anything to do with. You’re soaking in one now…

Other folks are born to be recluses – hermits – loners – individuals  – eccentrics – etc. They are generally distinguishable by the simplest senses – silent to the hearing, invisible to the eye, clammy to the touch, and slightly odorous. No-one has as yet tasted one, and no-one is about to start…

And there’s a lot of people in between. Most of us have aspects of each of these types within if we would only see and admit to them. And most of us can choose a club or organisation to suit our real personality. It might not be a fashionable or distinguished society we move in, but if we find genuine correspondence in a group – that is the one we should join. Here’s a few checkpoints for you when trying to match yourself to others:

a. DO I ENJOY LOUD NOISE? If yes, take up shooting. If no, take up reading. Read about shooting if need be.

b. Do I enjoy working with my hands? If yes, carpentry, model making, and any number of crafting clubs are ready for you. If no, run out on a field and hit a ball somewhere with something.

c. Do I enjoy thinking? Yes? Literary and intellectual clubs, political parties, business clubs call. No? Singing and drinking, eating and dancing are for you, and there are people who will help you do it.

d. Am I artistic? Yes? Go to the art store, spend a week’s wage, take the resultant small paper bag to an art society, and ask for help. No? Gardening’s for you – Nature will make what you cannot, and you can eat some of it.

e. Am I an opinionated smart-arse who wants to best everyone in argument? Yes? Become a member of a debating team or get your own secret identity as a troll on internet forums. No? Have you thought of joining a religious order? Or the Asian version…a religious suggestion?

f. Do I love sports? If the answer is yes, join a sports club. If the answer is no, get a competent surgeon to tear your cruciate ligament for you. The cost of the year’s membership to the sporting club or the operation will be about the same and the hospital is quieter than the club rooms.

Nice People…And People

The heading image is a picture of a local coffee shop just up the street in the Parry Avenue Shopping Centre – open for business on a warm Saturday.

Please note the chairs and tables outside for the comfort of the customers…and the two water bowls on the footpath for the comfort of the customer’s little friends. This is a very kind and helpful thing to do during the Western Australian summer. I hope more businesses follow suit.

I’ve not been into the café yet, but I will call in there happily. They must be nice people.

The other picture is an illustration of how the body design of a fashionably large 4WD can sometimes obscure signage written on the roadway  – signage put there to assist traffic flow and make everyone more comfortable. I’m sure that the lady who was stopped there would have been mortified to realise that she’d parked over the ” No Stopping “…

Thankfully, she must have caught a glimpse of the lettering after the flash on the camera went off, as she then motored away  – presumably to one of the many empty parking bays. I think the car designers should put mirrors or cameras on the front and under 4WD’s to prevent this sort of embarrassment…

The Casting Crouch

I see that there is yet another flurry of outrage about a caucasian actor in Hollywood being cast to play an asian character from a comic strip. Of course there is outrage – I should expect no less from the entertainment press. They are doing their job and doing it well…

Fortunately this problem has been headed off in the 2018 re-make of ” Gettysburg ” as the studio has wisely decided to cast Wesley Snipes in the role of General Robert E. Lee. Statues are being prepared now for erection in the southeastern states in time for the summer season.

I’m not so sure about the Goldfische Studios casting for the re-make of ” Midway “, though. I am all for inclusivity but the planned use of Judy Dench and Ellen DeGeneres as Admirals Yamaguchi and Nagumo seems a little risky. And filming aboard a Caribbean cruise liner docked in Florida seems a poor substitute for the AKAGI and the KAGA. Might work  for the SORYU but not if they leave the cocktail decorations up.

Personally, I’m hanging out for ” Peanut “…the musical about George Washington Carver with Johnny Depp as the lead character. It’s a sure Oscar. Oscar Meyer…