A Welcoming Feel-Good Hate Group


We at the Backstabbers Guild Of Australia have long regarded the various hate groups that exist in Australia with some dismay. While we can read what they are writing and hear what they are saying, we feel that they are doing themselves an injury by being so exclusive. I mean, the anti-semites won’t let any Jewish comedians play their clubs and the fundamental Muslims refuse to let CUB sponsor the mosque. I’ll bet Pauline Hanson is dying for a good fried rice and lemon chicken and the anti-Muslim marchers have to go right past the kebab shop after the pub…and keep on going as a matter of principle, even if the door is open and the food smells good.

So much hate, so poorly done. So much wasted talent, and all for a want of a warm, welcoming, all embracing atmosphere. The atmosphere you get in an elephant house at the zoo on a hot day. The BGA has hit upon a plan to remedy this and to give all Australian of bad will a chance to come together into one extremely unpleasant mass.*

The Hate House Pty Ltd will cater for all sections of society. No-one will be refused entry, though there may be some who are prevented¬†from leaving …at least until after dark. Every person who joins THH Pty Ltd will be provided with an object of scorn upon which to vent feelings of anger, inadequacy, fear, and loathing. As each person is different in their own way they can each have a custom-made totem of enmity. What one person is indifferent to¬†another may revile – it is the job of the trained staff at THH Pty Ltd to find out that may be and to amplify it as much as possible.

Of course there will be people who have the same aversions – we mentioned the anti-semites and the anti-Asians and such before – and they can be grouped into little clubs within the structure of THH Pty Ltd and encouraged to go out for dinners, picnics, and lynchings. But each person will also have other combinations of nastiness – and a thoroughly horrible type may be qualified for so many different THH Pty Ltd club divisions that their social life will be one mad whirl of screaming and abuse. Who could ask for more?

Stay-at-homes and shut-ins need not feel excluded – anyone who can type on a computer keyboard or paste together letters cut out of a newspaper can participate. The annual “Sneer and Smear Week ” will provide a focus for the writers of the group and they can be darned sure that their output will be seen far beyond the confines of a small group. Someone’ll be reading it in Canberra, without a doubt.

For those who take a more active role in the persecution of others…and we are not talking about council parking inspectors here…there will be special rallies and marches organised. Every community in Australia has some building that can be marched past, graffiti’d, and stoned, even if it is just the local bowling club or IGA supermarket, and it is healthy to take exercise in the open air. The kebab shop is right down the street from the IGA, too.

No child in Australia should grow up hating people indiscriminately. They need to be focussed. The Hate House Pty Ltd will do this. In a caring and sharing manner.


  • If the mass becomes large enough and unpleasant enough it can mine iron ore or become Minister For Roads in Queensland.