We are bombarded these days with every sort of advertisement for goods on this internet connection. While I do not have anything to sell, I can still have the fun of exasperating you. Thus the new range of products from BGA Foods:
a. The Incontinental Roll.
The spicy lunch wrap with pepperoni, csaba, jalapenos, and castor oil. This one-handed treat will get the most sluggish constitution up and dancing for days. Not recommended for those who are slow on their legs or far from a convenience.
b. Rice A Roo.
Now you can combine Asian with Australian in a new way. It’s flat, it’s chewy, it’s packed with substances. Swallow quickly. Bewdy. Bonza. Mate.
c. The Detra Mint.
Not all confectionary has to be good for you. Go back to the good old days when Victorians warned their children not to eat sweets for a very good reason. The Detra Mint may seem dangerous to some but think of the good that you’ll be doing for the environment. If everyone buys just one roll of Detra Mints a week we’ll be able to clean up Wittenoom, Marralinga, and the drainage systems of most RAAF air bases. That’s got to be patriotic.
d. O’Shaughnessy’s Rubber Chicken
Now we’ve all attended civic affairs that involved a luncheon and 90% of the time the meal served has included some chicken dish with a sauce. And none of it is ever eaten.
O’Shaunessy’s Rubber Chicken is the civic caterer’s opportunity to help the environment and cut costs dramatically. It is a tasteless, odourless substitute substance that replicates the feel and flavour of catering chicken. But it is entirely washable and re-useable after the plates are returned to the kitchen. A quick rinse, a boil-up for 5 minutes, and O’SRC is ready for duty under whatever sauce is next. Even pieces that have been inadvertently chewed – by people with bad eyesight, for instance – self-heal in the boiler and are just as appetizing as before.
No commercial chef in civic service should be without a bale of this useful material.
e. Debt By Chocolate
The advent of the ultra-expensive European chocolatier boutique designer snobhaven sweet shop has opened the way for the BGA venture. No longer do you need to have actual money to buy your $ 56 Praline Surprise ( so named when you get out in the street and find that your fillings hurt…) nor do you need to endure the sneers of Trained Backpackers when you cannot pronounce the name of the jelly babies. We give credit.
Now a true-blue Australian shop can deliver diabetes in little bags. We have taken over Darrel Lea, Haigh’s, Hoadley’s and Cadbury and combined the whole of their production lines into one chocolate-type bar. It is durable, portable, and can be used as a substtute for a star picket if you live in one of “ those “ suburbs. Chew it at your peril.