The Australian League Of Virtuousness is going great guns. Enquiries about membership are pouring in from around the nation as do-gooders who are dissatisfied with the current level of exposure that their deeds have attracted seek a new alternative. The ALV is just the chance they want – and cheaper than taking a billboard advertisement on Stirling Highway.
The League directors – oddly enough also the guiding lights of the Backstabbers Guild Of Australia – know well the need of the righteous to be seen to be so on a regular basis. We recognise that it is not only good morality but also good business to be in the forefront of charitable works – particularly if you can also be the directors of the charity. Of course there is a time to be modest as well – generally about a week before the auditors enter the office is good – and the timing can be critical. The matter of a few days can be the difference between 3-5 years of porridge or the same time with caviare.
But enough of food. Man does not live by bread alone, nor by rolled oats or fish roe. The food of the soul is charity…and who better to exercise it than the League of Virtuousness. Members will have opportunities to be charitable at very reasonable prices, with full internet coverage and a 24-hour meme service to keep them in front of their Facebook friends.
No disaster or atrocity will occur in the world un-noticed as The League rushes their healing rainbows, hearts, prayers and thoughts to the keyboard. A simple payment to the Treasurer of the League will ensure that your name is emblazoned on the Facebook feed of everyone in your address book. For an extra fee, you can appear in the side bar, and if you would like to make over your estate to the League in toto, we will make an on-line game of you.
No need to hide your light under a bushel. No need to torture yourself with false modesty. We can do it for you with real modesty and real torture. And our racks are dishwasher-safe.