My plan to mind my own business is going ahead well. I have less arguments, stress, and repercussions on social media and my court appearances have dropped.
This leaves me time to launch my new bespoke service: Your Problems Pty Ltd. It is an agency dedicated to worrying for you when you want an evening off.
We are not trouble-shooters – we’re trouble-sitters – you hire us to become angry and anxious for you and to demand respect, revenge, compensation, or sympathy. You can have any combination you fancy, but the price does climb steeply if we are required to actually care.
You just drop off your grievance with us and go on holiday, knowing that we will nurse that grudge as if it were our own. By the time you get back, rested and refreshed, you’ll either be ready to be either arrested or canonised.
In the rare event that no-one else cares what your problem is, we can supply packaged complaints that are guaranteed to fire them and you up. If you wish, you can both be flung into the same fire.