With the relentless pressure for novelty in the commercial world – from gadgets to tools to whole processes – it is time for us to cash in.
And the target is YOU. We’re going to assume that you have money, and you can equally assume that we want it – now all we need to do is arrange a plausible excuse for the transfer. One of the best recent suggestions from the Department of Social Discomfort is to mine the rich vein of carelessness that runs through the population.
Our first strike will be in the typo stratum – that area of the internet that is inhabited by the stupid and the fat-fingered. In this case we are going to market a Kickstarter campain ( not a typo – it’s truth in advertising ) to sell mechanical puzzles to the prurient. We’ve contacted a manufacturer in China who has the moulds for the old colour-puzzle cube that was such a rage in the 1970’s. His sales have dropped off lately and he’s prepared to re-spray the lot with pink, brown, and purple.
The promo will advertise them as Pubic’s Cubes and feature well-known adult-film stars twisting and writhing in simulated ecstasy. In sensitive countries the cubes will be fuzzed out in the pictures but you’ll still see them in Denmark and Sweden.
No-one under the age of $ 29.95 will be allowed purchase the toy and if it is supplied in the post it will be sent in a plain, unmarked parcel – that will be delivered by a postman in leather fetish gear.
The soft, squishy version will be sold at a premium of $ 90 more, and we are definitely not accepting any of them back.