And apologise for not signing a peace treaty earlier.
Reparations in the order of 3 x the gross national product of the country have been demanded but sources close to the Prime Minister have promised a lot more. The Easter Island bank has signed a contract for new concrete footings to be poured in time to receive the money.
A national month of penance has been called for the whole of Australia in which everyone will dress in sackcloth and strew themselves with ashes, except for indigenous people who regard this as ceremonial garb. They will do cultural penance in white ties, tailcoats and spats.
This is only the first of a planned series of degradations that will re-align Australia with the universe of moral goodness and cultural sensitivity. Certain sections of the population will be exempt from the rituals; socialist university students and members of parliament being the main groups. Applications from inner-city squat collectives will also be looked upon favourably.
Note: Aldi have sackcloth on special this week. Ashes are available from Bunnings.
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