Support Me Now By Buying This Spiel

Hi, I’m a completely unknown candidate for a political post in some other place. You probably don’t remember me from anything, as I have just started to do this and have no track record. But don’t let that stop you from making me rich and powerful.

I am supporting what you support, because I believe in you. I believe in us. I am prepared to say I believe in any blessed thing if you will vote for me, or pester someone else to.

Remember the children. And the puppies. Or the kittens, if that’s your preference. And the veterans. And the women. In fact remember anything you want, as long as you remember me when you are in that cardboard booth with the tiny pencil and the big ballot paper. After I am elected I solemnly promise that you can forget about me for three years.

What’s in it for you? Well…me. Me and my salary and my pension and my office expenses. We are always there for you. And we’ll be there for you for decades if I can just hold office long enough.

Look, it’s not like I’m asking you for a statue. They’re a dodgy proposition these days anyway and one’s as likely to be hauled away as worshipped. All I want is to slip into a seat in the legislative council assembly house of senate lordliness and sit down for a few decades. My feet are killing me.

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