Better Than A Bond Movie

I think I have hit a personal best. I spent Christmas morning with two heavily-armed masked men doing a house break.

We were not alone – we had six paramedics in attendance. And we all wore masks…not far off the railway tracks…it was as good as being in the James gang. All we needed were horses.

I had intended to pick up a friend and take him back to our house for Christmas luncheon. The roast was cooking and the prawns were defrosting and I thought all was well. I’d arranged for the day weeks beforehand and confirmed it with an email. So when there was no response to the door knocks and telephone calls, I got worried. My friend isn’t all that well…

The other residents of the housing complex suggested we ring the police and request a welfare check. This was started, and once we got past some of the red tape it was handled pretty smartly by the Sergeant on the phone. He dispatched a divvie van and called St. John’s Ambulance. They only took about ten minutes to arrive, though I suspect the dispatcher stuttered somewhat – three ambulances drove up.

Well, the cops went over the back fence and found the place locked up tight. None of the front windows were open and all the blinds were drawn. They called back to the Sergeant to get permission to breach the door and he recited a job number for it.

The actual housebreaking was simple – a crowbar for the security door and a metal ram for the doorknob. Bang, and they were in. The professionals combed the house but found no-one. Even calls to the local hospital yielded nothing. One of the police made a tour of the district in case my friend had wandered, but no luck.

The only conjecture we came up with was that he had been taken off by his sister or brothers for Christmas Day without them knowing that he was previously engaged. The relief to see that the house was empty was enough to send me home happy – and as soon as I arrived, a further phone call from the police Sergeant let me know that he was found in our local hospital, having been admitted a couple of days ago.

Not great news for Christmas, but better news than might have been. I visited after lunch to find him sitting up eating a dish of ice cream – and now that all the neighbours are up to speed, the morning’s show has a logical ending. I told him we broke in with a 24 pounder cannon and a double charge of grapeshot…

And I have gained valuable knowledge of how to break into houses. Surely this will be of use in the future when people go on holidays again…

2 thoughts on “Better Than A Bond Movie

  1. Hi Dick, it was Warren I hope he OK, Regards, Paul.


    1. More or less. In hospital eating an ice cream at the time we were ramming down his door. You can’t make this stuff up…


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