My Statue Is Being Planned

And it will be bigger than Ben Hur.

Now that there are so many plinths vacant around the world due to political realignments and popular virtue signalling, I thought it would be a good time to have a statue made of myself and put it up. If no-one else will do it I’ll put it up myself. Ooh. Err.

I hope to take inspiration from the one that sits in the middle of the road in Piccadilly Circus. That’s known popularly as ” Eros “…not quite accurate, as it is the Shaftesbury memorial. I hope to have mine titled ” Errors ” and it will commemorate the thousands of times I have been wrong about everything. The people who have told me this will be the ones I ask to contribute to the cost of the thing. If they wanted to bray, they’ll have to pay.

I am still consulting with the sculptors regarding the form of the monument. I called a number of them in and explained that I wanted to be portrayed nude with a bow and arrow and little cherub wings. To give them an idea of the magnificent physique they would be working with, the interviews were conducted in the nude. None of them seem to have a professional eye for beauty. So far only one person has agreed to submit a preliminary model and his seeing-eye dog was not all that friendly either.

But I am not discouraged. Good public art is never done cheaply nor rapidly. It takes time to plan and execute. And I should have the satisfaction of not seeing my statue tipped into the river.

No one will be game to touch me in the nude.

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