It’s Not An Investment…It’s A Criminal Scam

I recently decided to defraud people of their life savings through a series of criminal acts and thought that I was on the easy road to riches.

Then a note arrived from the ACCC reminding me that I would have to make a full disclosure of my proposed scams to qualify for their registration. I am quite upset by this, as it seems to be an unfair targeting of the confidence trick market. The burglars and muggers do not have to register and issue explanatory pamphlets…why should I?

I am placed at a further disadvantage by the government’s insistence on five-part identity confirmation before any bags of money will be handed over. Their guidelines on passwords are ridiculous, demanding complex and varied codes that are impossible to remember. I have enough trouble with my postcode.

The casino management people are no help, either, insisting as they do that the bets people place are ” investments “. This semantic subterfuge distorts the entire language of the con, cheapening what should be a holy word. I have a good mind to advertise my time-share tea-tree plantations on Eniwetok as “bets ” and they can see how they like that.

The only bright spot on the horizon will be some form of virus vaccination passport or register that people will want to get on to…thinking that this will enable them to travel freely in the future. I shall set up my own register and charge handsomely for the opportunity to be included. It is a variation on the old ” business directory scam ” that we all used in the 70’s and 80’s to sap money out of overworked bookkeepers in middle-sized firms. I think I can safely promise people unrestricted passage to the Andaman Islands or Moravia without coming into contact with anyone who actually tries to go there. Even if they do, the natives will finish them off before they can start back to complain.

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