Improve Your Social Image

Are you currently hated by people? Do they sneer at you on trolley buses? Would you like to improve this situation? Read on…

l’ll say at the outset that some of you can leave early. If you are so depraved as to be irredeemably evil, the world is correct in detesting you. Your removal would benefit us all. If you are so good as to be a child of Heaven, you need no improvement. If you are a philosopher you may genuinely not care one way or the other about your popularity – you pursue only virtue.

The rest of us might like to improve our batting average:

a. Retire from social media. Do it either gracefully with a kind message for all, or abruptly, with no notice given nor taken. The effect of either of these choices will remove the opportunity for you to cause distress by making damning statements or experience the same by reading them.

b. Read books from the library for free or the bookstore for money. Even the most superficial material in print will have some entertainment and/or helpful sentiment.

c. Talk to people over food and drink. The act of browsing and swilling will improve your mood and in turn your ability to communicate.

d. Listen to music. Preferably at a volume level that will not disturb others. Beware of the complexities needed to actually do this…the day of the transistor radio pr gramophone is well past. I regret to say a good deal of what you’ll hear will have to do with mobile phones. Unless you have a recorder. You can play many a cheery tune on a recorder…

e. Do not express an opinion on any current controversy. This means you’ll be wrong, but only to 50% of the people you see. The other 50% will be busy attacking one another.

f. Vote secretly, and preserve the privacy of this sacred act both before you do it and after you have finished. Apply the same discretion to matters of religion and finance. Be a mystery that no-one wonders about.

g. Take no observable notice of matters of religion, race, politics, sex, or any other controversial matter. You may have strong feelings of revulsion, but never let them rise to your face. Tap not your feet and do not whet a bowie knife on the sole of your boot when others are speaking.

h. Just as you hate discretely, love the same way.

i. Be honest with everyone, especially yourself.

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