Renaming The City

Perth in Western Australia is named after Perth in Scotland.

Perth in Scotland was once known as St John’s Toun. This means it was a cultural imposition by white men on the Picts who were there before. So we need to protest this post-900 AD outrage there by renaming the city and throwing statues into the Swan river here. A quick demand for compensation wouldn’t go astray, either, say the lawyers advising us.

We should have no problem with the statues as there are several in town that take up space that could be sold for coffee stalls. They may or may not all be of colonial oppressors, but they are pretty well all eyesores. A number of them were put up during the 1900’s and even more in the 1980’s when mining money needed to be hidden in payments to artists. The return in scrap metal should be considerable. The idea of recycling the artists has also been mooted, but they have a powerful lobby in the various institutions so we may just have to let them succumb to venereal diseases over time..

But back to the new name. Of course there is always recourse to indigenous names – it might be as well to open negotiations with their lawyers to see how much one will cost. If we go for it, the feeling is we get a short one. The costs of the sign writing for the freeway exits at Mandijoorigundiwappobilli nearly broke the Main Roads Department.

I am going to plump for Saint Johnstoun and set up a company to import prefabricated Picts.

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