The Doos – A Tribal Guide

Welcome to the backwoods. I hope to introduce you to the Doo tribes – They may not be first nations but they are definitely integrated throughout the country.

a. Wanna Doos – These people have hope and desires. These might have been native to them anyway or introduced by other people, but by now they are pretty well indistinguishable. They may not be able to differentiate between what is a given need or a driven lust. They tumble onward, wanting. At least they have something propelling them forward, so that is a good thing.

b. Gunna Doos – if you stand still long enough to impede the flow of water, a Gunna Doo will buttonhole you and tell you what great accomplishments await them in the future. There is no sea they will not climb and no mountain they will not swim. It is just a matter of waiting for the right time, or getting the right conditions, or having enough money to do it. Say, speaking of money…you can contribute to the Gunna Doo future project fund. No amount of money will be refused,.

c. Otta Doos – now the Otta Doos are not focused as much upon their own behaviour as upon yours. They have a plan for you and you need to listen to it. They know best and you cannot expect to succeed if you do not follow it. And you need to look grateful.

The Otta Doos are closely related to the Shooda Duns, though the latter are a little more bitter in their speech. When you see a Shooda Dun coming you may wish to duck round a corner.

d. Didden Doos – Should the plans not work out or the wheels fall off the structure, the Didden Doos can help out by disclaiming all responsibility. At least it eliminates one line of enquiry.

e. Kant Doos – Here you are assured of absolute truth – when a Kant Doo tells you they cannot do something they are being honest. They are barred from any helpful activity by an old sport injury, legal advice, or religious scruples. Accept their refusal in good faith and do not ask again.

If you subsequently find them doing precisely what they said they could not do, regard it as a miracle and set up an altar. You may wish to sacrifice them on it. Obsidian knives are traditional for this.

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