When Timmy Falls Down The Well

Lassie will come and get you. I know because I’ve seen the television series. You must rush as fast as you can to the well.

Then call down it to see if Timmy is still there. The little bastard may have crawled up out of it himself. This is not Lassie’s fault – she was racing to get you.

If he’s still down there ask him if he can feel his legs. If he says yes, ask him if he can feel his wallet. If he can, you can begin negotiations for a price on getting him up.

There will be costs involved – they don’t give manila rope away at the hardware store for nothing. Plus the time lost from the ploughing and other farm work. If bandages or a doctor’s visit is necessary, that’ll be an add-on. Torn clothing and laundry expenses…

Be realistic. If there is a lot of blood down there the well water will be polluted and you need to get him up and out of it as soon as possible. Do the right thing by the water table.

If it’s an old dry well and the cost of the rescue would far surpass any money you could recover, you might consider leaving him there and just getting another kid for the next episode. Federal tax laws allow you to write off three child stars per year without providing receipts.

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