The Guild Crusade

The Backstabbers Guild of Australia has always applauded success – as it can be taxed. Failure, as well, has been welcomed since it provides victims who can be exploited. It is well to be flexible in your aims.

The Guild will be conducting a 2022 Summer Crusade – providing the Health Department agrees – to lead pilgrims from Australia to a Holy Land. The exact destination has not been decided, but research into the relative sacredness of various places is under way. Apparently the Simpson desert is chock full of sacred sites but few really want to march to there. Bali has been mentioned, and the Riviera.

It will largely depend upon whether the Guild can find a miracle vision to spark off the movement. These days people all have TV’s, internet, and mobile phones, and disembodied voices telling you to kill your enemies to please God are getting pretty darn common. You need something with a bit more horsepower to get people to go out there actually chopping and slashing.

Then there is the problem of the law. Hate crimes attract severe penalties and love diseases are not much better. Even being indifferent gets you frowned on by the people who must be up and doing all the blessed time. Getting a large scale movement actually out on the road and bleeding as they go is a major task.

Fortunately there are common enemies that can be targeted to start people moving. A popular crusade against Centerlink would be easy to organise, and many people would also be prepared to riot against a number of major retailers – if there was a prospect of loot. No-one really likes the Motor Vehicle Licensing Centres either.

The traditional fate of popular peasant crusaders has been to march until they drop dead or are sold into slavery. Few ever return home to hang the people who sent them out in the first place. This should also be the case with the modern-day movements. Again the public health authorities will need to be informed, or at least bribed. No good improving the freeways and road links if they are just going to be choked with corpses.

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