Robbery Under Armpits

Have you ever used deodorant? If the answer is ” no ” please leave the room.

If ” yes ” have you ever looked at the cost of the things when you buy them? If gold could stop you from stinking, you’d be well advised to get a bar of it and rub it under your arms. It would save you a lot of money.

I am drawn to this conclusion when passing through the aisles of the chemist ( drugstore in North America ) or the supermarket and I approach the section that has personal deodorants. You can tell it a mile off – the armed guards and the searchlights give it away. It’s really a spectacular sight when the Armagard or Brinks truck pulls up and they restock the shelves.

It’s not that I begrudge spending for health, beauty, or safety. That’s what we have money for, and if you rob pensioners every second Thursday, you have a ready supply of cash. Note I support an increase in the pension for the old people as I want my share of it too.

The real problem is the deodorant is really an expense that we pay for the benefit of others. Left to ourselves in the bush we rarely need to disguise our odour – unless we are hunting animals with sensitive noses. We can always stand upwind of ourselves and just pretend nothing is happening. But if you travel on the train or bus you need to remove the noxious effluvia or suffer social disgrace.

Mind you, if you’re a bum anyway, you don’t care…and the hideous brown pong around you gets a seat on any tram in town.

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