It’s Only Sex. Why All The Fire Sirens?

Hands up all those who have had sex. Now only those who have had sex with other people. Now all those who have enjoyed it. Now those who knew exactly what they were doing.

Tssssk. What a pair of liars you two are….

No-one knows what they are doing. Few know what the other person is doing. In the end, there are only a very few who know what actually has been done and then it is based mostly upon the state of the sheets. Sex in the middle of a flowing river leaves everyone confused.

Yet, we concentrate so much upon it – buy it, sell it, rent it, praise it, blame it, or just use if to keep the drafts from coming in under the door. Some of us cannot get our teeth into it, but we can get other people’s. Dental lab technicians have some pretty steamy stories to tell…

It may be responsible for children…who have no sense of responsibility. It may be responsible for happiness…but only if you are registered for the app. It may cause disease that you can pass on to other people. Well, it’s rude to visit without a gift, eh?

As a marketable commodity, it is rarely listed on the Stock Exchanges – but you can find it in the classified advertisements of every publication short of The Christian Science Monitor. Even there some of the euphemisms may be more fun than you’d think. I’m always impressed with the number of models with large chests for sale. Did these women corner the furniture market early and are trying to unload in a glut? Are there no forests left? Do the chests have handles? We want to know.

And that brings the essay back to the third paragraph – knowing. In the biblical sense or otherwise – knowledge is what we all want. We are prepared to study anatomy and physiology to get it, provided they are serving cocktails beforehand. From a philosophical point of view this is all nonsense as we cannot know what we do not know before we know it and cannot know what we have learned if we cannot recognise the lesson.

Just put the money on the mantlepiece as you go. No, we don’t give receipts but you can have an Amoycillin if you like.

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