Creative Revanchism

The desire to recover lost territories is called revanchism. Up until now it has been seen as a bad thing. I propose we make some minor adjustments to the idea and start to produce fun.

a. Make a list of any country, territory, or group that has been conquered, colonised, or subjugated in the last 5000 years. That’s basically everyone, everywhere. But put ’em down on a long list.

b. Now make a second list beside the first one of the country, nation, people, or tribe who did the subjugating.

c. Place the lists side by side, matching the entries.

d. Slide the lists up two spaces and sticky-tape them together – this is your basic to-do document.

Now you go out and actively campaign for revanchist reconquering of the various places and re-institution of the colonial rule and culture – but with an entirely different set of brutal masters. I’ve just done my lists and I am going to be coming out strongly for the return of proper British rule in the East Indies.

None of that Dutch stuff – none of that Arabic musselman business, either. The Royal Navy will sail gunboats into the ports and land marines. Flags will be hauled down and proper British governor’s residences set up. Colonial courts will be set up to enforce colonial laws and the Manchester Board Of Trade will open the first exclusive club – non-whites need not apply, what?

Once this is working superbly, we move to the next entry on the list; the Congolese Protectorate Of Peru. They are already training elephants to climb to high altitudes. You’d be amazed how much cocaine it takes to get an elephant up a mountain.

Note: The Swiss have been asked not to play as this is intended to be a fun game.

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