Out-Thinking Your Enemies

The secret to success is to out-think your enemies. Far better than flame throwers or subpoenas – thought is the key to keeping them on their toes*.

The first place where you forge ahead is to recognise that they are enemies before they realise it. Many people go through life with a false sense of security…even worse, a false sense of kindliness and good will. If you can catch them doing this, you can fence them round with bayonets before they realise what is happening.

Do not go out of your way to make enemies, of course. But do not neglect the opportunity to collect ones that are ready-made on the shelf. This is where the internet and the social media groups can be so helpful – people will advertise their prejudices and biases and all you need do is go through and harvest the worst of a bad crop. Believe me, there are more hateful monsters who rage at the posting of a kitten meme than you can shake a stick at.

Once you have selected an enemy you must decide whether you intend to blast them utterly with the force of your personality or just let them dig their own grave. The first is quick, but the latter is easier to do…you just wait. Fans of the Canadian Prime Minister, Dusky Justin, will know exactly what we mean. Watching someone self-destruct is just as much fun as destroying them yourself.

It is damnable to set stumbling blocks for the feet of blind people…but the fully-sighted can always be considered fair game. If you choose a neutral colour for the blocks and set them on a beige carpet, the results can be very rewarding.

Likewise, it is abominable to mock the afflicted or to take advantage of the poor. But mocking the able-bodied and skimming the rich is quite in order.

Finally, know your limits. It is no good taking on a crime czar or super-billionaire as they will merely crush you like a bug. Set your sights lower; librarians or school teachers are a good place to start and you can work your way up to deli-owners and people who repair photocopiers. If you can enrage the multi-billionaire against the deli-owner, so much the better.

* You can also keep them on their toes with a noose, but my lawyer doesn’t want me to discuss this.

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