Animal General Meeting

Shouldn’t that be Annual General Meeting? No. It’s being held at the Zoo.

Actually every AGM is held at a zoo, but in some cases the participants have claws and in some cases sub clauses. The former are the more civilised.

The AGM is scientific term for the basic building block of boredom. It is common to all societies and organisations, though it can be disguised with different names. In my days in the photo trade the shops’s AGM was termed a General Staff Meeting during which the owners laid down their laws for the employees. This was held out of hours ( no good stopping the flow of money, eh? ) and was conducted upon reasonably civil grounds with mostly decent language. This allowed unpleasant orders to be slipped into the stream of unconsciousness before the staff cried out.

The AGM for a voluntary society – as opposed to a paid workplace – can be a more robust event. Grievances can accumulate during year and the AGM is just the place to air them. It allows you to be nasty but appear civilised as you do so. It’s worth looking up the organisation’s constitution and rules beforehand and taking time to map out ways you can get your shots in before the Chairman has you gagged. Even if you are made to retract inflammatory statements, they will still have had their desired effect. No ship that has been torpedoed ever floats well afterwards, even if the captain of the submarine apologises…

Don’t be too near the front and don’t be too near the back. These are locations that get you nominated for things. Be aware that no-one ever nominates you for ice cream sundaes or pretty girls. They only put your name forward for work and responsibility…and eventual condemnation.

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