” I’m A Professional “

Don’t be proud – so was Jesse James.

So was the hangman that the British prison systems once employed to execute people. Apparently quite good at the business and extremely professional in his behaviour. I do not know whether he belonged to a professional association of ‘ special ‘ civil servants, but it would not surprise me.

I was once considered to be a member of a learned profession and later a participant in a commercial trade. As I have long retired form the former and lately from the latter, I might feel the lack of an honourable status in the community. We’re warned that this sort of thought, once lodged, is a very dangerous thing – it can lead to depression or worse; political ambition.

I have decided that I am going to have to construct a social plinth upon which my psyche can be mounted for display. Whether or not people will actually gather round it and admire the thing is irrelevant – I will have re-established my place in the world. To this end I have been experimenting with phrases:

Troublesome Codger – Good, and accurate, but hardly likely to get me invited to address dinners.

Senior Consultant – This has a vaguely medical flavour – rather like those disinfectant lozenges they gave you to suck when you had a sore throat. As long as I do not state the subjects upon which I may be consulted, I should get away with it. I can throw in things like studio photography or scale model building in case there is any interest. Which I doubt.

Wise Elder – Awkward. This not only suggests that I know what I am doing, but that I know what you should be doing as well. Also, ” elders ” are generally associated with tribes but I’ve seen some of the local ones…and want no part of them.

Lurking Menace – Well, now we’re talking. I can lurk with the best of them. Bushes, street corners, public libraries…you just assign me a beat and I’ll hang round and peer at things.

Unexpected Visitor – This is fun, but with the decline in home baking, not as rewarding as it used to be. The modern day biscuit tin is likely to be filled with commercial packet cookies if it is filled at all. You hope for home-made chocolate chip and end up with Milk Arrowroot. At the price of petrol to go visit, you are on a loser.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.

%d bloggers like this:
search previous next tag category expand menu location phone mail time cart zoom edit close