a. The adulation of the crowd. If they will not cheer for you, have those around you arrested and imprisoned. Replace them with better people. Eventually, through a series of purges, you will find the perfect supporting cast.
b. The love of a good woman. Or a good man. Or a bad woman or man, as the case may be. Or a mediocre pair. Really, just take what you can get.
c. The money. It cannot buy you happiness, but it can rent it for long periods of time.
d. The good of mankind. This approach worked out great for Joan of Arc and St. Thomas Aquinas – why not you?
e. To make a difference. Like the flutter of a butterfly’s wing. Google that one, Jimmy…
f. The beer. Here for the beer. A trite advertising slogan that encapsulates more of real life and existentialism than you can imagine. I’ll have half…
g. The children. Yours, or someone else’s. Your choice, but remember that the tax department are pretty specific when you ask for deductions.
h. A good time. Well, you cannot argue with that. If your good time involves an anti-tank gun and the local school buses you may have some explaining to do but short of that you can pretty much suit yourself.
I. To obey God. And wouldn’t you know…I’m his closest representative. Let me see your wallet and I’ll tell you whether you are righteous. What’s your PIN number?