Spit

Before you turn your head and go Ptui consider some things about spit.

a. It is intrinsic. Unless you are  person who unfortunately has had radiation to your salivary glands, they function pretty well by themselves. The radiation patients sometimes have to buy bottles of flavoured artificial saliva from the chemist to allow their mouths to function as normal, but it must be an awkward thing. They have my sympathy.

b. There is a lot of it. As soon as you perceive a tasty morsel your glands flood you out with ropey saliva…ready for the eating or drinking that the smell or sight of food has suggested.

c. It helps. Try to eat shredded wheat with no saliva and see what it feels like. Hint: it feels like trying to swallow a Brillo Pad.

d. it is inconvenient. Whenever I have my afternoon cocktail, I get a flood of saliva that has to be got rid of. It’s either swallow it or spit it at the cat. Tiddles is getting both wary and soggy…

e. It can rarely be sold at the Farmer’s Market. Bottle it how you will – hand-blown crystal decanters or country jugs – it is hard to get people to buy human spit. It is not a seller’s market.

I am intrigued with the two avenues of disposal; swallow or spit. If you do the former, what becomes of it? If the latter, does your body lose something valuable? Is this sort of thing done better in Europe, as they always seem to wish to suggest with any human activity? Is there a French Ecole du Salive that sets out rules for the use of your glands?

I am also intrigued to find out whether the practise of spitting out everything that is not actually food is of benefit to the body. The rurality of North America, Southern Europe, and most of Asia have been doing so for aeons, and I wonder how much it has contributed to the level of intelligence evident there right now.

Should we be talking to the spitter or the spit?

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