What Are The Qualifications Needed To Be A Facebook Political Critic?

  1. You must have a Facebook account. You are going to have to admit to a name for it, but you might not have to admit to your own.
  2. You must have a device, or access to a device. It used to be a computer you needed. Then you could go to a laptop, a tablet, or a mobile phone. Soon you’ll be able to browse Facebook from the back of a cornflake packet or a plumber’s plunger. How ironic…
  3. You must have an opinion. It need not be your own. There are racks of ’em that you can choose from – some a lot smarter than you’ll ever be. Just pick one and plaster it on your feed.
  4. You must never hope to stand for any office whatsoever yourself. Because what you share and write on social media will be stored forever and be retrieved by political opponents. I’ve been writing weblog columns for years and am safe against any call from a political party…indeed when I vote at our local school for state and federal elections they hand me How-Not-To-Vote cards.
  5. You must have the courage of your convictions. But don’t rush to it – if you have only been arraigned you may get off with a warning.
  6. You must be prepared to de-friend people at the drop of a hat. If you don’t own a hat there is a nice section in Myers Garden City where you can get them. Try not to de-friend people at the drop of a VB cap – it looks cheap.
  7. Keep an accurate list of who you love and who you hate. It is embarrassing to like someone else’s memes when they run counter to your own.
  8. Remember that elections are won and lost by winners and losers. Or is the UEFA games?

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