The Foolish Place Name

Every country on Earth has some location – a city, town, or geographic feature – that attracts ridicule. Not for its nature – for its name. The residents may become permanently embittered by this…they are laughed to scorn by foreigners through no fault of their own. Often it is only the sound of their beloved home in the language of the alien that produces the cheap laugh.

I’ve lived in Alberta and heard sneers at the the town of Medicine Hat. And at Moose Jaw in Saskatchewan. Walla Walla in Washington state has gotten a giggle out of Australians who then bristle and stoutly defend Wagga Wagga in New South Wales.

Condom in France and Hell in Norway…same thing. And then there is that foolish name of the Welsh railway station that is so long and unpronounceable that it has become a tourist destination. A selfie-pit, if you will.

Time to call a halt to this. In a millennial age that takes offence at everything and demands a homogenous and uniform state of unbridled  variety, there must be a change on Earth. No more foolish place names.

Henceforth, each location, hamlet, town, or city will be renamed. The simplest way to do this will be assign each former name an numerical equivalent. Numbers are universally known and can never be exhausted. It will be simple to rename Prague to 6754, Marrakech to 8932, Manangatang to 10567 and so forth. States , provinces, territories, and countries will also get numbered so you’ll have no trouble visiting 560-45-7 on your summer vacation. Helluva nice town and the local delicacy – fried tripe – is not to be missed.

Bon appetit.

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