I have made a terrible discovery. Here, right here in my house. I have discovered a portal into the depths of hell.
I have found a stash of unwanted presents.
The rest of the family, and that means two guilty females, have been quietly stashing away items that have been given to us over the years that no-one in their right mind would want. The occasions upon which they entered out lives might have been Christmases, birthdays, anniversaries, or other legitimate festive days. They might also have been giveaway promotions from work affairs or supermarket promotions. Some of the worst look like things that have been abandoned on the doorstep.
There are several disturbing aspect to this discovery:
a. This sort of merchandise was actually made and actually sold to someone. Those someones walk amongst us. We may be within range of their mind-control vibrations right now.
b. We were considered suitable subjects to receive these objects. Is there a sign on my back that says ” Garbage wanted – apply within. “?
c. Someone gift-wrapped this stuff so that it got in without being thrown out. OMIGOD – we probably said ” Thank You “…Oh, I feel dirty…
d. The two guilty females are keeping this stuff for a purpose. It has no real purpose in life, so it can only be to give it away again. We are going to be, in turn, criminals.
The only real hope I see is a burgeoning of the cult of Marie Kondo. If they can latch onto the idea of ditching things that do not spark joy, this stash of trash may be binned, rather than presented to some other poor soul.
Pray for us…or prey for us, if that seems better…