The Better Sort of Reader…

The better sort of reader – the finer mind – the upper class – will know what correct behaviour is. They will have learned it at their mother’s knee…in some cases bent over that joint while being beaten with a length of steel reinforcing rod. They will know what to say and what to do…and more importantly, what not to say or do. And when not to say and do it. This knowledge is the touchstone by which they can know who the under-classes are.

For instance, when encountering alcoholic beverages – whether they are being handed round at the vicarage garden tea or pushed over a bar in Carlton. The low instinct is to grab the nearest foaming beaker and drain  it. The proper person knows that there is only one course of action here – you must produce a substantial hatchet, cry ” Carry Nation Lives “, and stave in the beer barrels with it. Wear clean gloves.

And again – who amongst us has not been present when someone – often us – has been discovered in flagrante delicto, so to speak. Pants down and hopes up, if you get my drift. The discovery, to be truly flagrante has to be done by someone in authority – the wife, husband, lover, police sergeant, etc. No good being popped by the cook. Cooks don’t care.

What is the correct procedure? Take a hint from the golf course – carry through with the swing. Step back politely if the following party is in a hurry, but do keep you eye on the hole.

As far as disputes in the wider world, remember that there is no such thing as being wrong commercially. Not if you want to keep the flow of money going. Always defer to the other person, even if they insist on deferring to you. If necessary, cripple them with a boot-strike to the instep and force your deferral upon them. Be humble and take no prisoners while you do it.

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