Long-range Twin Engine Perfidy

Or ” How To Be Horrible Economically “.

The Backstabbers Guild Of Australia was started on pizza, and has flourished ever since. You’ve read about it here in the column…go search for the references using the handy WordPress search engine…but come back after you’ve finished and settle into the straps of The Mechanism and pay attention.

Doing evil things to people is a costly affair. Laying traps, buying fealty, paying for secrets to be hushed up…all these cost a considerable amount of time and money. It’s economic and social pressure capital that needs to be spent, but as we all know, nothing is inexhaustible*. We eventually run out of ways of being mean and are sometimes forced to be pleasant. It’s a sobering thought.

Well, as with the expenditure of money, the expenditure of malevolence can be done in such a way as to stretch it out a lot longer than before. Like flying a fighter plane – you can feather the props and lean the mixture and get a lot longer range than your enemies expect. You go Yamamotoring right along until you get them in your sights.

You’ll have to resign yourself to spending a little more at the beginning – a rich mixture, if you will. You must establish a reputation for awful behaviour right at the start and keep on doing it until everyone realises how dangerous you are. Try to practice upon the most vocal victims first as their squawking will spread the word most efficiently. Don’t hesitate to use the crudest methods as these are really the cheapest to do, and in the initial stages you are looking for quantity over quality.

I’m not suggesting that you shell orphanages with lewisite – that is not the BGA style. But you can certainly invite people to a public entertainment, run up a bill, and escape through the restroom window. Or offer to judge a beauty contest and then award the prizes in reverse order. Or help someone through a crisis in their life by signing them up for time-share seminars in Port Moresby.

After a few years of disrupting annual general meetings, declaring false food allergies, and sending disturbing pictures over the internet ( The one made of Plasticine is the best…) you will have gained a reputation as a free spirit and a danger to navigation. People will hyperventilate when your name is mentioned. Your Facebook friends list will be in negative numbers. Now is the time.

Actually, tomorrow is the time. Read what to do then.

*  Even teenagers get exhausted…eventually.

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