Fomenting Revolution For Fun And Profit

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The third installment of the Backstabbers Guild of Australia’s advice for the forlorn takes things to a more serious level. We’re gonna make red revolution and drown the streets in blood. If you get a bit queasy at the Red Cross when they take a pint of O+ve you may want to opt for the lite version – where we use root beer instead.

Now communist revolution has been advocated for a long time by people who have not done it yet but who can certainly tell you that they want to. Or not, in case there has been a falling-out with the local chapter of the ” Occupy Student Loans ” movement and someone has nicked the donation tin. In this case they are fully justified in postponing the ever-glorious day of revolution of the masses until their Mom sends them more money and some fresh laundry.

The old-time communists were a hardy bunch who would meet under the most difficult conditions in the homes of movie writers and actors. On some occasions they were prepared to drink water instead of gin, which shows real dedication. Unfortunately they ran foul of the FBI, Congress, and the meaner element of the trade unions and went out of business some years ago. The attempt to revive the brand as socialism did not really take off – it has proved hard to sell to the older customer. They may have to invent a new name for it – ” demoism ” has a nice ring to it, as does ” cratism “, but the consensus amongst the brand consultants here at the BGA is that combining the two will just lead to being thrown out again. The title is still open.

It will not be hard to get guns for the coming revolution, as the US has a great many of these. Unfortunately a lot of them are in the hands of people who do not cotton to communism or socialism. Indeed, that is a good tip…if the revolutionaries hear someone saying the phrases ” We-uns don’t cotton to communists. ” or ” We’d admire to have y’all to supper.” they should not draw out a gun. It is not likely to be useful at all…

Likewise it would be advisable to wait until spring before camping on the steps of the dean’s office and demanding that he resign in favour of an All-Student Coalition. Winter on the steppes has never been a good time to campaign…

They might cheer up. They can always go see the latest Michael Moore movie. He’s in business as a professional complainer again after being an irrelevant berk for years.

 

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