The Troll’s Christmas

dsc_2798Grab the keyboard, don’t be pensive. Falalalala Lalalala

Now’s the time to be offensive. Falalalala Lalalala

Write an insult, post a meme. Falalalala Lalalala

Make your friends all cry and scream. Falalalala Lalalalaaaaaaa…

The best thing about conducting a meaningful social dialog from Mum’s basement or the spare bedroom is the fact that all you need is a carton of cold soda and the Domino’s number and you can sustain a campaign of vitriol for just weeks. As the time wears on more and more people get exasperated and remove you from their computer records and you can concentrate your mind on the ones that are left.

The game continues until either everyone acknowledges that you are always right, or your internet service provider sends a man round to snip the power cord off your desk-top and kick in the screen. Either result is gratifying.

Along the way you can discover many new things about the people who respond to you. If you take careful note of exactly when they explode and send nasty comments back, you can make up an accurate profile of their psyche. This can then be sent to the police anonymously with a request that they keep a close eye on the subject. Witch hunting is a lot more fun if you have a map to tell you where the witches live…

Now some people have said that this is all bad policy – they have pointed out the indelible nature of postings on the internet and the fact that if you ever hope to stand for public office ( and sit down behind a public desk with the key to the cash box ) that your every bad word will be dragged out and used against you. Ask Mr D. Trump and Mr. V. Putin about this, but be prepared to have them laugh at you. They use the white-hot fury of their detractors to warm towels in their bathrooms.

There have also been suggestions that the upcoming holiday season will be a time of peace and goodwill – and that the internet troll should respect this. Funnily enough most would, if it were true.

But we know that whatever we think, or do, or say, there will be others who raise political, religious, and social banners high during the season, and that they are going to not only raise them, but wave them from side to side. This will be for the specific purpose of drawing fire – and then they will howl with outrage when their banner is shot full of holes. Troll is a pejorative, but then so is troll-bait.

Excuse me. Someone just woke up and logged on in Honduras. There are so few chances to use an anti-Honduran meme that I simply must take this one.

Merry Christmas anyway.

 

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