” I’m sorry sir, the title of Coolest Car is already taken. Your silver/grey smoke gunmetal i34/Laxidestrical Deutsche Humpmobil Sportt Ezstravaganzzza 3 is all very well, but this other gentleman has a yellow 1958 Chevrolet custom car. The exit road is just over there and you are free to go. Have a nice day. ”
Well, it was never really a contest, was it? I mean the Humpmobil might have had gold-washed cylinders and an automatic warm and fuzzy feeler arm under the dash, and it might have cost the sort of money that would keep Subiaco in Chardonnay for a year but the Chevy had the thing won as soon as it appeared on the field…
Pinstriping. Not just the nose, but the wireless aerials. Pinstriped aerials. Matched left and right.
Lakes pipes. Lakes pipes on the ground. The car goes up and down. It is alive. The Humpmobil has difficulty registering on the radar, let alone going up and down.
Chrome. Real chrome. Chrome that you can touch without having it come off on your finger.
And a roof with metal flake paint. There is no-one on Earth that can be sad when they see metalflake paint. It is like the stars brought down to us.
Now as for the interior, I can understand that you are upset. Your Humpmobil does not have a spotlight with handle control. It doesn’t have fuzzy dice or multiple dials or a locking glove compartment. I can feel your pain. Perhaps when you next buy a motor vehicle to impress your neighbours you will be more careful.
I can only leave you with the best wishes of the pin-up girl on the rocker panel. Please keep your spirits up and see if you can find some back issues of ROD & CUSTOM magazine to give to some inspiration.