Well, Good News. The Backstabbers Guild Of Australia has a great new service. Now we can be offended for you – and for a very reasonable price,too.
In today’s world there are so many calls upon our intellect and emotions that we can sometimes miss out on opportunities to be enraged. Perfect opportunities to be righteous can pass us by in a moment as we engage in daily work and family life. We can start to slip off the Welt-Angst map.
Now there is an answer. For a small fee of $ 25 the Guild will undertake to register your disapproval on the social media outlet of your choice for an entire year. Our trained operatives will monitor the channel and instantly hop into any discussion that contains your specified trigger words to make sure that everyone knows that you are upset. They will fight tenaciously to keep your opinion before the world’s eyes and will make sure that yours is the very last word.
If you wish to press your opinion to the temples of the internet and pull back the hammer day and night you can be assured that it will be done. And you needn’t stop at one stream – and extra $ 25 will get you on another one. Think of it, for a measly $ 75 you can advocate voting rights for otters on three screens; Facebook, Twitter, and Pinterest, for example.
If you want to expand your topic and insist on free speech for sodium-worshippers it is another $ 75 but you can be assured that it is money well spent. You see, while the postings are done by the Guild, they are in your name – it is a little arrangement we have with the internet service providers. You will seem to be awake and fighting 24 hours a day.
You may select your level of communication – from mild annoyance that just keeps repeating the same catchphrase all the way up to incandescent rage that uses obscene words in obscure languages. It’s all up to you. For a small extra fee you can have selected pictures added, though you won’t be allowed to show your shoulders.
Intellectual participation in the great questions of the times has never been easier. Arguments R Us.
Heading Image: Bin Night