Riding The High Horse – Outrage For Beginners


The election outcome that you love to hate is still there, but by now the first gloss of your anger may be dulling. You have probably gone outside in the last week and will have noticed that the sky has not fallen. You may be tempted to just grumble along until Christmas and then fall into the trap of drinking eggnog and feeling jolly. Heaven forbid that the season of good will toward all men should include any actual men and THAT ONE in particular…

Well now is the time to organise your hatred before anything good happens. If you can set in your ways now no-one will be able to budge you later. If it works for Moray eels, it will work for disappointed Democrats. To this end we have yet another Backstabbers Guild Of Australia List of do-it-yourself political troublemaking that will see you through the winter.

a. Petition someone for something. The Electoral College is unlikely to respond to your demand that they reverse the results of the recent election, but you can always send angry letters to other government bodies.

It is unwise to mail death threats to the FBI or the Secret Service because these sort of letters make them sad and they are likely to come round to visit you to discuss the situation. They will probably cheer up later but you will be sad in turn.

If you mail in a death threat to the Marine Corps they will not be sad at all. They will take it as a complement and laugh. Go on. Make their day.

b. Boycott one of the businesses that is owned by the person you hate. If he does not own something in your town go to another town where he does and refuse to spend money there. Take a bag of $ 10 notes to the sidewalk outside one of his buildings and rip them into shreds. That’ll show him.

c. Write emigration request letters. Canada, New Zealand, Australia and Singapore want none of you, and you won’t get an answer, but there is still plenty of space for liberal-minded socialist celebrities in Ivory Coast, Laos, and Indonesia. Uruguay needs you. Moldova calls…pray do not let it be in vain…

d. Start a critical review magazine. Yet. Again.

e. Declare your solidarity with Michael Moore. He’s about as solid, in a suety sort of way, as you can find. He is set for a revival of popularity as he now has someone he can be smarmy about on video again. Get in there with him and make GoPro clips about how the President-elect has ruined your life in the next few years. Try to get crowdfunding for it so you can make a pile of cash. To be ruined with. Say hey to Michael.

This should get you through to April when the weather lightens up…then you can go camp on the street in front of the Post Office and demand that they burn the Vice President in effigy.


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