Thanksgiving In Australia


Well, basically we don’t , but basically, we should.

We are not going to have to live with 5 metres of snow on top of the car followed by freezing rain, mud slides, and plagues of boils, like they do in the USA over winter. Not unless we live in Melbourne, in which case it would seem like a normal summer day.

We are not going to have our wagon trains surrounded by wild Indians. We might have to dodge them as they try to park at the local IGA but you can park next to a concrete bollard and reduce the hazard by 50%.

We can practice the religion of our choice. I choose the one founded by Tom Paine. We have our own Holy Book called ” The Age Of Reason ” and we get to celebrate holidays like Beermas and Pissover without having to put up trees or invite relatives over for a feed. It’s a great religion for the introverted. No-one cajoles us to be nice to the neighbours.

We need not eat turkey. We can save it for its natural function – sofa stuffing. Nothing stays springy and dry longer than a good big slice of white meat.

We need not travel long distances to be with the family. Or rather, we travel such long distances to go to work or on holiday anyway that it makes any sort of painful journey seem normal. In our state’s southwest they have officially gotten rid of miles and kilometres and everything is just measured in time taken to get there – one hour, two hours, three etc.

Our politicians are vaguely acceptable. Our voters are acceptably vague. We bang the pollies up in a secluded city away from the grown-ups and get on with life. Every three years or so one they have an election and they all move down one teat on the public sow and carry right on sucking. Their reward is money and our reward is we get to treat them with absolute disdain.

And the wonderful poisonous murderous wildlife of the country flourishes. There are never any shortages of snakes, octopuses, crocodiles, or spiders. No-one has to save them. Come on down under for a visit. We’ll have a bite…


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