And I blame all your friends. And your relatives. And the people in your street. And for a very good reason…

Because I have gotten older and fatter and balder. And my career as a matinée idol film actor has tanked. And my agent says that if I do not get off my ass I will be come invisible in Hollywood. And invisible is the next way-station to professional death. Or real death…

So I am going to come out strong against something. Something that will tug at your heart-strings ( I have long since ceased to tug at the fastenings of your underwear, more’s the pity…). I will become your poster boy/advocate/cause celebrity for something that I cannot ever actually do anything about…and that you cannot ever actually do anything about. But together we will move forward into the broad uplands of sunlit prosperity and/or righteousness. You never had it so good.

BTW, did you see me in TITANIC? Wasn’t I great? I tried to get the lead in HINDENBERG and OBAMA too but the big studios cut me out.


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