Are you unsure of how ashamed you should be in the presence of minorities? Have you caught yourself feeling comfortable these days? Have you lost track of your sins? Well, we’re here to help you get back onto the guilt-edged roundabout. You’ll never have to be happy again.
The Backstabbers Guild Of Australia has done extensive research into racial, religious, and societal guilt and put together a complete set of programs that will allow you to take part in the most up-to-date angst available on the internet right now. You need not make laborious charts for yourself documenting how your daily actions destroy black whales in gay rainforests – we’ve done that for you. 32 separate races/religions/sexes have combined their efforts to create a three-dimensional, multi-cultural, ecumenical cry of pain that can only be relieved by a hefty cheque in the mail.
Not that money will ever make up for the devastating loss of whatever we say is lost, but it is the least you can do. And if you don’t do it we have ways to make you do it.
Your children will thank you/ hate you/ be taken from you and fed into a council mulcher if you don’t fill out the questionnaire and send the money in today. We know where you live and we want to live there too. How can you bear the sight of the kittens?
Please note: Early Cringe Discount is available to registered members of the Mea Culpa Society. You know who you are…