The Order Of the Golden Cloud


The Backstabbers Guild of Australia is nothing if not respectful. We look upon the other countries of the world and their rulers and take heartfelt lessons from their lives.

Thus we have looked long and hard at the Japanese traditions of imperial awards that are in the form of a chrysanthemum or sunrays or flowers and their careful ranking of the various medals into classes. We noted with interest that the order of the Precious Crown can be divided into Apricot Class, Wisteria Class and Butterfly Class. Apparently since 2003 it only goes to foreign females. Make of that what you will.

The Guild recognises that a direct copying of any foreign order is not so much flattering as confusing. At the request of the RSL we have stopped sending up VC’s with the rations. Occasionally we send up the RSL, but that is another matter altogether. What we aim to do with the Order Of the Golden Cloud is show the nation that people who post unintelligible one-liners on social media are also deserving. Indeed we have a list of things we think they deserve, and now we have the Golden Cloud to add to it.

The OOGC is a classed order – in that we have taken some direction from the efficiency of the Japanese. There are 1st, 2nd, and 3rd class Clouds, corresponding to the ways the posts have been received.

If everyone can guess what you are on about but just deletes your post before reading it you are entitled to the OOGC 3rd Class. If they fire back anxious enquiries about your state of mental and physical health and then race round your door with a plate of cookies and an external defibrillator machine, you receive the OOGC 2nd Class.

If they shut down their Facebook account, unplug the computer from the wall, and then kick the screen in, you are eligible to receive the OOGC 1st class. You have done a service to culture and humanity. We can do no less than salute you.

Note: the Order Of The Golden Cloud is worn on the hat. It is suspended above you and dangles in front of your eyes on a sad, blue, extremely fuzzy thread. This was an inspired bit of analogy that the design bureau came up with.


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